We talk a lot about body acceptance on The Demoiselles: whether you’re thin, fat, curvy or flat, your body is yours, and worthy of love. At the same time, when I read about designers like Christian Lacroix stating that they will not book models they feel are “too thin,” I have to speak up…
…and agree with them.
“What I cannot stomach, because it evokes the war to me, is when you can see a woman’s kneecap protruding in its entirety, skinny elbows, or a woman’s chest bones. [...] There are certain models I cancelled jobs with because they were too thin.”
-Christian Lacroix (emphasis added)
In the same vein, I totally agree with a recent article at fashion blog 39th and Broadway, which calls out UK writer Alix Bilmes’ for his cruel bullying of singer and fashion icon Beth Ditto. (That name sound familiar? Elle wrote about Beth back in April, here.) In short, Ditto is a “fat lesbian,” and Bilmes thinks she doesn’t belong in the fashion world.
I totally agree with 39th and Broadway‘s interpretation of Bilmes’ unprofessional gripes (view his pointless venom here), but what really got me smiling was her begrudging concession about one of his main points: Beth Ditto is severely overweight. Thank you, 39th and Broadway, for saying it (while trashing a bully, no less)!
What does Beth Ditto have to do with Christian Lacroix? Well, the link between these two stories – one of shunned skinny models and another of celebrated obesity – is our media’s obsession with extreme body types and role models. Even as women call for ”normalcy,” what we tell the media to give us – what we pay for – are extremes. Every day we ask for this unhealthy scrutiny: with our television habits, our shopping decisions, our tweets about celebrities and their changing waistlines. We don’t catapult our average-sized actresses, singers and models into superstardom. Why would we, when they’re so… average?
And, inevitably, these consumerist habits and the media’s influence wage war on our self-esteem.
- “My collarbones don’t show. Does that mean I’m fat?”
- “I feel like crap. Screw it – I’m eating this entire bag of chips. If Beth Ditto can be hot and fat, why the hell can’t I?”
- “I don’t stand out. I’m just too…normal-looking. If I looked like her, I’d be happier.”
How many of these quotes could be attributed to you? At least one has left my lips - and many just like it have entered my mind, but what held me back from saying them was this simple truth: all of those lines are bullshit. They’re excuses that limit any potential for us to be beautiful as we are, and to keep us from focusing on maintaining a healthy, sexy body based on what we were actually born with.
The proof is in the pudding: almost every ”BBW” group I’ve seen on the ‘net cares more about “claiming their weight” than whether they’re healthy, or even if their bodies are predisposed to being the weight they’re at. (Before you burn me for a traitor: one of my family members has a disease that does keep her from losing weight, and she is fat and healthy. Yep, it’s possible, but less common than some fat activists claim.) On the other side of the coin, who hasn’t heard of those miracle diets that will help you lose five pounds in a week, no matter what the cost to your immune system and metabolism, or the “thinspiration” communities that have photoshopped pictures of girls that look like they time-traveled from World War II?
These extremists campaigns not only make us “normal weight” women feel boring and obsolete, but they also promote truly unhealthy lifestyles (because all they talk about is how to look, not how to live).
My solution is this: to keep on loving my five foot, 130-pound body, which will never be the size two it was back in high school, and try to do right by it as best I can.
So until I’m working out regularly (but not excessively), eating healthy (but not sparingly) and enjoying my life (but not overindulging), I have no room to bitch about whether or not someone accepts my body. If I did, I’d have to accept those other unhealthy bodies as sexy, and that just ain’t going to happen.
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It’s interesting to read this in light of my recent post, “Operation Collarbone.” Mostly because, when I discuss my need to lose weight, in order to feel healthy, to be at a weight that makes me feel mentally & physically — I seem to recall many comments that encouraged internal beauty, staying a beautiful person inside.
While it’s truly great & beautiful to know so many think wonderful things of me, I don’t want that to be an excuse to stay lazy about my weight & health…
.-= Ashe Mischief´s last blog ..Mischief, My Dear Shop– On Vacation! =-.
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Jennifer Nicole Reply:
June 26th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
And that is the hardest thing to balance, Ashe: learning to love oneself no matter what one’s weight is, but still strive to be healthy mentally and physically. I am a bit behind on my reader, so I hadn’t read your blog until just now, but I have to say that the title of your post (and the collarbone quote) remind me of my own external weight barometer: how my collarbones look is often a factor in whether or not I need to lose weight.
I’m glad that you’re focusing on losing weight to raise your mental and physical health. There’s not a thing wrong with that!
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Ashe Mischief Reply:
June 26th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Thank you, my love! To be fair, my collarbone was only scant when I was thinner… but having been a size 16-20 when I was younger, it & my knees were the first places I saw the weight loss. I loved that it was slightly there. It made me feel sexy to have this slight bone jutting at the right angles. That said, I KNOW when I’m too thin– like when I’m too heavy, you see a distinct decrease in photos of myself. When I’m too thin, the angles & bones in my face put those of (the STUNNING & GORGEOUS) Emily Deschanel to shame. As the boy says, it gets scary. So I know that happy balance… and finding it is important. Like Wendy said, it’s about moderation.
It’s funny, because losing weight in the first place was the best thing that could have happened to me mentally– it really taught me to love myself. Despite having gained weight, I still have that self-love. I just want to treat my body in a way that makes it feel good now!
.-= Ashe Mischief´s last blog ..Mischief, My Dear Shop– On Vacation! =-.
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Posted by Ashe Mischief | June 26, 2009, 11:29 amGood post. I’m always in favor of “everything in moderation” and agree that neither extreme is good. I don’t think people should glorify being grossly overweight just because being underweight is bad. I obviously don’t think anyone should hate themselves as a human beings for being heavy. But neither do I believe that being 100 lbs overweight is healthy just because the person manages (or claims to manage) some kind of exercise.
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Posted by WendyB | June 26, 2009, 12:01 pmNew at The Demoiselles: Calling All Extremists! (Why “Normal” Is Bad): http://bit.ly/xjFW
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Posted by Jen | June 26, 2009, 5:20 pm@ The Demoiselles :: Calling All Extremists! (Why “Normal” Is Bad): We talk a lot about body.. http://tinyurl.com/nyuhp6
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Posted by The Demoiselles | June 26, 2009, 5:41 pmRT @ The Demoiselles :: Calling All Extremists! (Why “Normal” Is Bad): We talk a lot about body.. http://tinyurl.com/nyuhp6
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Posted by Lindsay | June 26, 2009, 5:45 pmLoving the commentary from @ashemischief on The D’s new post, “Calling All Extremists! (Why “Normal” is Bad). http://is.gd/1eI8k
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Posted by The Demoiselles | June 26, 2009, 7:04 pm@TheDemoiselles :: Calling All Extremists! (Why “Normal” Is Bad): We talk a lot about body.. http://tinyurl.com/nyuhp6
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Posted by Ashe Mischief | June 26, 2009, 8:40 pmHm. I’m learning to love the body I’m in. Posts like this really help.
.-= kaitlyn´s last blog ..us. =-.
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Elle Reply:
June 28th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
That is possibly the best thing anyone could ever say to us, ever.
Thank you.
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Posted by kaitlyn | June 26, 2009, 9:59 pmHEAR HEAR!
Beth is such a bully.. I initially LOVED that someone was standing up for those who usually go mocked and unheard, but when she started going down the nasty path, I felt sick.
I already love, love. LOVE my body.. and I admit, it DOES help with positive reinforcement from BF to help me gain love for my little (natural) belly that I cannot get rid of, even at my lowest weight of 110bs on a 5’4″ frame.
My belly isn’t all fat. It’s expandable. It gets small when I am hungry and when i’m full, she puffs out.
I love it!
*shrug* Thanks for the post.
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Posted by FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com | July 1, 2009, 6:09 pmGreat post. If you’re somewhere in the middle it’s so easy to get caught up in discontentment with your body’s perceived shortcomings: you’re not quite thin enough, your arms aren’t quite defined enough–aren’t quite, aren’t quite. But at the end of the day the body you have is the only body you’ll get in this lifetime, and you should take care of it and cherish good health.
.-= lisa´s last blog ..Happy Canada Day! =-.
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Posted by lisa | July 2, 2009, 1:04 pmI tremendously enjoyed reading this article, when my eyes fell upon the sentence, I quote: “I feel like crap. Screw it – I’m eating this entire bag of chips. (…)” I laughed cheekily. Without the Beth Ditto part, I said those exact words many times… Times I know that now, after reading this article, I will not regret, knowing of course that that particular bag of chips did not highly endanger my health… haha… GOOD times !!!
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Posted by Charlotte | October 3, 2009, 11:45 am