Here at the Demoiselles, we talk a lot about body image, and more specifically, about self-image. The biggest goal of this website (and its owners) is to promote your own acceptance of YOU, all the way from your wide hips to your tiniest bits, no matter what the media thinks, or what the guy you really, really want to make out with says about it.
At the same time, it would be silly of us to ignore the media, and that guy (or girl) you think is cute, because the reality is that society’s opinions matter. Even the strongest of us can’t help but be affected by them, because no matter where we go, we’re bombarded by standards and opinions that aren’t our own. We’d be crazy not to at least take them into consideration – even if it’s just so we can fly in the face of them.
While we’ve talked about the media – and even called it out on its bullshit, occasionally – that’s not the only thing we look to when we’re deciding what to wear, or whether or asses are too big or our shoulders too small. We start looking around at the people that we see every day, the people we want to impress…the people we want to make out with, and (we hope) want to make out with us.
What does the punky guy you flirt with in math class think of your kinky hair? Does the uber-feminist you’ve been eyeing think your lipstick is a sign of patriarchal subservience? Does anyone really think your ass looks fat in those jeans…and if they do, do they kind of like that look?
What do the people in your life – the ones that are attracted to the female persuasion – think about women, and beauty, and sex appeal?
We aim to find out, so we’re charging you with a mission:
Send us your straight guys, your gay women, all of your friends-who-like girls. We want to know what they’re attracted to, and what they hate about the industry that we’re constantly exposed to.
What do they think about body image standards in the media?
Do they like makeup?
Is back fat really a big deal?
What do they wish us fashion girls would stop doing, or wearing, or focusing on?
What do they find just plain ridiculous?
…and before they comment, make sure they’re being honest. Even if it starts a battle, we’d rather see someone truthfully say they aren’t attracted to fat women – or thin women – than try to be PC about it. No matter how harsh the comment, we’ll let it through, as long as it’s honest and on-topic.
So let’s unravel the mystery: email this link, drop it on Facebook, Stumble or tweet it – I don’t care. Just gather your friends, and tell them to bring it on!
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To contact Jennifer Nicole, the author of this post, please send e-mails to jen@thedemoiselles.com or use our contact form. |
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Comments ( 19 )
[...] Calling all Lovers: Body Image from the Other Side by The Demoiselles. If you’re a man or woman (or any other gender identity) who loves women, you should absolutely go leave a comment on this post. [...]
QuirkyKnitGirl » A peek inside my mind added these pithy words on Feb 10 10 at 11:13 amTo me (I’m a woman in gender and sex), an attractive woman starts with singularity. She stands out in a crowd, she’s unique. I’d never want to be with a girl who I couldn’t pick out from across the street. It’s a bit like how a good cartoon character can be picked out from its silhouette alone. She’s preferably curvy and stands up straight, doesn’t let others’ perceptions of her get her down, possibly has a bit of vintage vixen going on. It’s more of an attitude than a particular set of physical traits. Physical traits can be overshadowed by what I think of as the “friend effect”: over time, people that are dear to you because of their awesome personalities become more physically attractive to you, just because you like them as people.
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Leah Felicity added these pithy words on
Feb 05 10 at
3:30 pm
I really like unique looks. Funky colored/cut hair, dreadlocks, big bright eyes, piercings, tattoos, etc. But I don’t like when people take it too far or feel like they need to totally conform to the stereotype they’ve fallen into.
Body type isn’t a big deal to me.. I like skinny girls with no boobs, I like curvy/heavier girls, and while I guess I don’t -prefer- very overweight women, that’s not something that would stop me from dating them if they had a great personality.
What I really don’t like are girls who look like they’re looking to get laid. Low cut tops, low jeans, thongs sticking out, “trashy” looking hair… And I’m not a fan of “butch” women.. Short hair is nice, tomboys are great, but when you can’t decide whether someone is male or female, that’s not really my thing..
I like girls who don’t try too hard in general, who rock whatever they want to rock. You can tell when a girl feels comfortable with what they’re wearing, the hair they’re rocking, and what have you. And that’s the most important thing. The media may make you think you have to be a certain size, or wear the right clothes, but a girl in plain jeans and a t-shirt who walks with confidence is gonna grab my attention over someone buried in accessories, oversized bags, and coated in makeup any day.
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Tiff added these pithy words on
Feb 05 10 at
5:52 pm
Lesbian here!
So, I admittedly like femmes quite a bit. Nothing wrong with those fabulous butches out there, but I like a little girly. I’m a feminist too. Where I guess I draw the line is; if it’s making you uncomfortable, it’s not sexy. For some women that’s shaving, for some that’s wearing a skirt. I will not force a woman into either of these things even if I find them hot on other women. If I can’t be super glam all the time because it’s too time consuming or I just don’t want to bother, I won’t ask my girlfriend to be.
Though, I have to say facial hair is a real turnoff, mostly because it reminds me too much of men, which I am very not into. And from what I know of The Science that’s a testosterone thing, so hopefully it’s not too terribly shallow.
Media’s body image standards drive me up the wall. I’ll be frank; I’m thin. Like 100 lbs. Hardly any hips or boobs; make me about five inches taller and I’d make a good clothes hanger on the runway. However, I don’t find that to be feminine at all. I don’t hate my body so much, thanks in part to finding a woman who I’m very attracted to that rather likes my lack of curve, but it’s not exactly what turns me on. If all models were more the Crystal Renn type (and bigger, mind, I know she’s still rather small, but to someone my size, that’s a good start) I’d adore models. But they aren’t. They are my thinness without the petiteness. They look like they can barely stand.
Again, back to the “does she look comfortable this way”? You can usually tell, it’s in the carriage of the body and the face if they really feel fabulous in what they are wearing.
Fashion-wise, I really really wish that the indie sorts would stop dressing like little girls. That’s just me, of course, but the whole stockings/dress/cardigan/headband thing tends to make me think of prepubescent girls, and well, I don’t find underage much with the sexy. Maybe it’s just the blogs/communities I follow, but that seems to be the big indie thing of the year. Feel free to ignore that, but yeah. Oh and leggings. Those are not pants.
I’ve personally never noticed back fat, to be honest, and didn’t realize there was such a thing! And makeup I could take or leave; sometimes it makes the look, sometimes it’s necessary. If you’re wearing jeans and a t-shirt, I think it’s unnecessary.
I’d really like to see a revival of the femme fatale look; now that was very sexy. Feminine but with a confidence that most celebrities these days have no idea how to project. Cyanide hidden in the ring. Of course, it would have to be a femme fatale that wasn’t afraid to put on jeans and a t-shirt to go do shenanigans that aren’t easily done in heels. XD
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pinkpillsanity added these pithy words on
Feb 05 10 at
6:11 pm
We know ourselves, but what do *they* think of us? RT @TheDemoiselles Calling All Lovers: Body Image From the Other Side http://is.gd/7MaGJ
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Jen added these pithy words on
Feb 05 10 at
7:31 pm
What do "the guys" think? A new post at @TheDemoiselles calls for our lovers' opinions…please RT!! http://bit.ly/d5FCrF
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Jen added these pithy words on
Feb 05 10 at
9:11 pm
To be honest, I didn’t even know what back fat is until about two minutes ago. I never noticed such a thing.
I am a heterosexual male and I like girls who are comfortable with themselves, no matter what their style or size is. I don’t think I can ever say I’m attracted to a certain type or person, because I’ll prove myself wrong in the future.
I am fine with makeup as long as I can’t notice it.
I wish girls in general would let all the petty stuff go more easily. Scratch that, I wish all people would let things go more easily.
I hope that answers your question.
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Oliver Zhang added these pithy words on
Feb 05 10 at
9:58 pm
Fascinating question: http://bit.ly/9NrOU5 (All straight (or bi) men and all gay (or bi) women should go answer this.
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Stephanie Whiteside added these pithy words on
Feb 05 10 at
10:06 pm
Nothin’ better than a white girl with a big ass.
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Tarvux added these pithy words on
Feb 05 10 at
10:16 pm
I’m a somewhat-asexual mostly-heterosexual/flexible (what does that even mean?? let’s just say I don’t define myself by sexuality and leave it at that.. even though I just did 
) and I honestly find women most attractive when they love and respect themselves. The only major turnoff I have is when a female is constantly degrading and insulting herself 
.-= sui´s last blog ..the man who didn’t believe in love. =-.
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sui added these pithy words on
Feb 05 10 at
10:27 pm
Like womens? RESPOND: http://bit.ly/aUhR1r
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venefica added these pithy words on
Feb 05 10 at
11:14 pm
Most recent comment on the latest post at @TheDemoiselles: "Nothing better than a white girl with a big ass." http://bit.ly/d5FCrF Thoughts?
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Jen added these pithy words on
Feb 06 10 at
3:36 am
Just to add one more voice to the din: I find women in glasses really adorable (though I have dated women without glasses, so it’s not a deal breaker). I guess it’s probably the whole cultural connection with being brainy that does it for me. I don’t mind subtle make-up, but I guess on some level I probably respect a woman more who doesn’t go out of her way to apply it every day. Heeled shoes seem kind of ridiculous to me for similar reasons. And I’ve always preferred to date overweight women over underweight women … I don’t really pay much attention to this unless someone is so skinny that she seems ill.
In summary, I guess, I find it normal for people to have insecurities, but I find it attractive when people aren’t trying so hard to compensate for them visually.
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Straight Guy added these pithy words on
Feb 06 10 at
12:37 pm
Well, huh. This could be interesting… http://thedemoiselles.com/archives/calling-all-lovers
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Amy Conway added these pithy words on
Feb 06 10 at
1:54 pm
You're right, @calzone. This blog post is v. interesting: Body Image From the Other Side | The Demoiselles http://ow.ly/14BBL
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Margaret H. S. W. added these pithy words on
Feb 06 10 at
5:57 pm
Bisexual lady here, offering my two cents:
Personally, I’m moreso attracted to whether or not a woman stands out and makes herself unique to everyone else than any other quality. Whether it’s how she dresses, how she does her make-up, her interests, her tattoos, whatever. I like people who know who they are and aren’t afraid to express that, and it’s definitely something that I find highly attractive in women.
I prefer ladies curvy, with an hourglass figure. I’m definitely into girly girls, and like long hair. Pale skin, freckles, and red or black hair are also pretty big turn ons. Fake tans? No thank you. And if you’re stick thin, I’ll pass.
Piercings and tattoos can be hot, but only if they’re flattering. Some people can wear them and others can’t. I hate girls that have piercings that completely distract from an otherwise beautiful face. It makes me really sad.
Intelligence is a big thing too. You need to be able to carry on a conversation. I HATE when girls try to act stupid or silly in order to impress guys or flirt in general. It drives me absolutely crazy.
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Sarah Huth added these pithy words on
Feb 06 10 at
6:06 pm
RT @MissElle: Chime in with what you look for in a partner! Calling All Lovers: Body Image From the Other Side http://is.gd/7MaGJ
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Ashe Mischief added these pithy words on
Feb 07 10 at
6:54 pm
Hey guys. To start out I’m a 22 year old male(white if it matters) college student. I currently have a girlfriend and she suggested that I reply to this to give some insight so thats what I am here to do. I’ll just go through the list:
To start I’ll try to give an explanation of what qualities attract me and try to give a little info as to why. Physically I’m most attracted to brunettes. I just think dark hair is way sexy. I will really be with any height that’s not way taller than me. Size isn’t much of a deal for me, probably one of the very last items I worry about. I only worry about height when there is an obvious difference in the two of us. I don’t want to date an amazon woman that towers over me. Girls I like tend to be trim but not exclusively girls with zero body fat. I know its such a big thing in girls minds and such a strain put upon women by society but I just am turned away when a girl has pants that squeeze so hard they get a huge muffin top. Now saying that, I am not nearly as picky as I feel women think men are. I feel like girls think they need to be pencil thin to be pretty and that’s not the case. I’m just looking for a girl who looks like she takes care of herself a little bit and hasn’t just let it all go. Put simply I like the female figure and like to see it complimented, I’m not too into girls who are shapes. A pretty smile is a definite. There are many types of lips and structures that make up pretty smiles but one thing that is necessary is higene. Gross, unbrushed. yellow, broken, snagletooth teeth? No thanks. Pretty/sexy eyes are a must. Sexy eyes get me. The smile and the eyes are two huge ones for me. I can(could, when single) be bought by the right look and smile. I’m a total sucker for them both. And finally a cute butt. I’m just an “ass man.” Breast really don’t matter to me, the only thing that’s a turn off for me is paper flat or ginormous and unruly. I would rather have a tight or nicely shaped ass.
As far as style I would say that I’m most attracted to the “indy/hipster/scene” girls but not people that are trying way too hard. Its pretty easy to tell the people who live their lives like that and the ones who go spend a bunch of money on the cloths to “be in the group.” I like girls who have their own interest and passions. I like to learn from other people and hear their experiences through life.
Mentally I NEED a girl who has intelligence, this is one that I can not avoid, if you are stupid and unintelligible I will not want to go into a long term relationship. I like girls with confidence in themselves and who they are. I like girls who are supportive and loving. I also tend to go towards dorky/ quirky girls. They are usually more interesting. It is also enormously important that they have a sense of humor. I like making people laugh and also like to have someone who is witty and entertaining to be with.
Ok so I think I covered a lot of bases there. Moving on. I think the standards and pressure applied by the “beauty” industry are ridiculous. Girls are always told that they are not good enough, or should have something to worry about, or need the newest product to be pretty and if not they are worthless. It has to be tough. You are told from the minute that you are born that you have to be a perfect pretty little princess and if you don’t you are a failure at being a woman, which is unfair. These standards are impossible to reach and cause unneeded stress.
Makeup, like everything, has its time and place. Nice dinner or event? Absolutely. Go for it. Day out in sweats with your hair pulled back? No thanks especially since most girls who I notice that do this look like they stuck their face in a plate full of bronze makeup mixed with orange face paint. Fake looks fake. If you are going to do it do it. Less is more. The only place I am more lenient with is the eyes. Don’t go crazy but there is a lot that can be done to compliment your eyes. And back to the orange girls. Don’t tan too much. It looks incredibly fake and ridiculous. A little color from a couple of sessions during winter is cool but leave the daily tanning to weightlifters.
Back fat. Never really gave it too much thought. Don’t have your ass spilling out of your pants and have giant loves of bread hanging off your side squeezing out and I’m fine.
Fashion for me is pretty simple. Don’t be weird and quirky just to do so. If it works it works. Ugs, crocks, poofy skirts? Bad. Real bad. Don’t just throw shit together and call yourself a hipster.
Hope I helped. I’m sure I didn’t cover every single thing you wanted but feel free to ask questions.
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Ben C. added these pithy words on
Feb 10 10 at
7:50 pm
i’m attracted to skinny, short, boobless bois who are just a bit mean, especially if they have brown hair and blue eyes. i’m also attracted to asian and eurasian ladies, and i like them to be less femme-looking than me. but i look at personality first.
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Gauri added these pithy words on
Feb 11 10 at
8:20 am
