Today’s post, in honor of Lady Porn Day, comes from a blogger and sex educator who, for this contribution, chooses to remain anonymous.  To read more about Lady Porn Day, visit RabbitWrite.com/LadyPornDay, or click the image above!.

I remember being about eight years old when I first noticed that something down there felt good. I was in the shower and had innocently angled the water toward my crotch. I remember thinking it was like the feeling you get when someone tickles your feet to the point where your laughing makes your stomach cramp and you want to kick that person in the face. You know, that “too good” feeling. I did it again on purpose every once in awhile after that first time.

I don’t think I knew that what I was doing was masturbating until a couple years after that, when I asked my mom what masturbation was because I had heard the term on MTV (she was always willing to answer my questions, no matter how awkward). But although she told me what it was generally, she mentioned nothing about how people do it.

I kept up with the shower thing through high school because it’s what I knew and no one/nothing ever told me about using my hand until much later – I already had a “routine” by my teens, thanks, no need to change it up. Because of that I never really learned to use my hand. It’s only recently that I’ve even explored a little more so I know how to direct others to what feels good in that way.

As a current sex educator, I think my history is really interesting. One of the foundational assumptions in the program I teach is that people are sexual beings from the time they are born until the time that they die. Babies in particular experience a lot of intimacy and sensuality, both natural forms of sexuality. Throughout life we all have things like skin hunger where we just want to touch and be touched – babies grabbing fingers, people holding hands, back massages, playing with hair, etc, etc.

My program teaches about masturbation – mainly to acknowledge that it is normal and okay; that people do it in lots of different ways, including using their hands, rubbing on things, and using toys; and that it’s a safe way to release sexual desire if you aren’t ready or don’t want to have sex. I wish I had received messages like that earlier in my life. I teach middle schoolers, but I think masturbation should be brought up with even younger kids like 5^th graders, although that’s terribly controversial for some.

I’m in my twenties now and am a frequent masturbator.  My weapon of choice is a vibrator (I think everyone should own one!!). Specifically, I am loyal to the Lelo brand. I wouldn’t recommend anything else and wouldn’t consider buying another brand now because their quality is just out of this world. Everything they make is totally worth the money. If you’re interested in buying a Lelo (or any other) toy, I recommend Babeland, a totally lady-friendly sex toy shop located in Seattle, LA and New York as well as online.

So long, farewell

Edited by Thom of The Sunday Best

Here we are, face to face, a couple of silver spoons. My run as an editor for this venerable list is coming to a close, and as it does I’d like to take a moment to reflect on what makes the internet such an awesome place. Ahem. It’s you. Yes, you! I don’t get to read as much online as I once did, and this list kept me in touch with the, dare I say it, zeitgeist of style writing. I was often amazed at the diversity of topics you writers were willing to tackle. Keep those keyboards clacking, stay strong, and be good to the incoming editors. We are only human.

This is a collection of brilliant posts collected by The Demoiselles over the week. Some may have been featured on our Twitter, some may have been sent to use through email, or by our friends on Facebook. Please check out, and send love to the blogs featured here – they’re all worth a look!

Here’s the last link love before 2011!

• Jonathan Adler sent out an awfully embarrassing home accent…

Wow.

• The Huffington Post put out this piece on vanity sizing, and preached to the choir about the plus size fashion industry. “What? Larger women still want to be sexy? But… why?” References to Beyonce’s mom are used.
• Jezebel has an interesting series going on now – a father is raising his 4 year old daughter in a world where everyone is being seduced by advertising… Even his little girl starts asking about dieting.
• In case you haven’t subscribed yet, Medicinal Marzipan is releasing a Body Image Warriors Daily newspaper through Twitter! See the last issue here.
• NY photographer, Chloe Rice, caught one of the worst Photoshop disasters I’ve seen! C’mon, guys – really?
• Ohhhh, Heidi Montag. The poor girl who gave herself 10+ plastic surgeries in a single day is now regretting every single oneI wish I could jump into a time machine and take it all back. Instead, I’m always going to feel like Edward Scissorhands… “

• One author’s book was picked up by a TV network… Only to be transformed from an empowering story about smart women to a racist, stereotype-ridden, schmuck-fest, and she can’t do anything about it.
• An Indian starlet was photographed for a leading fashion mag, and was surprised to discover that her skin appeared to be lightened on the cover! It’s happened before, but the difference between this chick and past chicks? She wants to do something about it.
• This one is unsettling, so be warned! 1 in 3 men in South Africa admit to being rapists. Whoa.
• Ashe Mischief posts about what happens when style statements reflect on your personal choices or beliefs… & what happens when the stereotypes are wrong (or right, for that matter!).

That’s it for this year! Post your favorite around-the-web links here!

It Gets Better

Edited by: The Sunday Best

As we head full on into the “holiday” season, with its unbridled consumerism, endless head-whacking charity pleas, and weird tie-ins, I expected the links list to be inundated with shopping guides. Instead, many dealt with what can only be considered harassment or, terribly, abuse; several looked at blogging as a cathartic experience, others as a rallying cry. I was lucky enough to be raised in an openly affectionate household with two strong female presences in my mother and sister, and this has undoubtedly affected my manner and attitudes as a married man. Since I can’t go around changing men and society, no matter how cool that superpower would be, I offer this reminder, in what I believe is the spirit of the season (when that spirit is allowed to express itself unfettered): respect is the bare minimum we owe each other, and the bare minimum we should expect from others. Respect is not necessarily agreement, but it is always acknowledgment. For those who are struggling this season–financially, emotionally, physically–I can only echo the words of Tim Gunn, George Takei, and others when I say, “It gets better.” Happy Holidays.

Links à la Mode: December 2

• Analogue Chic 1 step forward, ten steps back: Skinnygirl by Bethenny Frankel
• Be Fabulous Daily Women at work: An immodest proposal
• Crimson Rosella My safe haven
• Finding Tokyo Why Paris is no longer the fashion capital of the world
• Independent Fashion Bloggers: The Comment Challenge
• Melina Bee How to host your own clothing swap in five easy steps
• Mrs Bossa Friend Friday Guest Post: Size Matters
• My Heart Blogged Losing 40 lbs., and what I’ve learned
• Oranges and Apples An ethics code for bloggers
• Piewacket Hot off the press
• Statements in Fashion My Alex, My Dragonfly
• Style Eyes A fashion bloggers mini guide to psychology
• The Button Owl Control freak
• The Chic Curve From the author: “Fat Bitch”
• The Coveted Nicole de Carle: Subversive Architectural Lingerie
• The Demoiselles Can’t stand the hate: Cutting Bridalplasty down to size
• The Elegant Bohemian The sisterhood
• The Laugh Slut Giving thanks
• The Sunday Best Give him scotch
• Vogue Vintage The future of fashion blogging
• Wearabout Streets on the runway

This is a collection of brilliant posts collected by The Demoiselles over the week. Some may have been featured on our Twitter, some may have been sent to use through email, or by our friends on Facebook. Please check out, and send love to the blogs featured here – they’re all worth a look!

It’s been a while for the ol’ link love machine to get back up and running, but now we are excited to including Community links from our enlightened, intelligent community members – become one!

Around the Web

• Physicians are reporting that the average age of girls with eating disorders is rapidly decreasing. “The core age for eating disorders was always around 15 to 18, but it has now fallen to between 12 and 16.” Yikes. What are we doing to our kids? The same article also reports that male eating disorders now account for 10% of all eating disorders. “One male shop mannequin launched last summer had a tiny 27-inch waist (the national average is 10 inches more).“
• The amazing Sal of Already Pretty interviewed the equally amazing Nubby Twiglet about her style theme. We’ve always adored Nubby’s style and finding out how she keeps a reoccurring theme throughout her style (without getting boring) was an interesting read, to be sure – not to mention inspiring.
• A study performed at the University of South Carolina showed that cheerleaders were at risk for developing eating disorders – particularly the ones who showed their midriff. Peer pressure? Not exactly – most expressed concerns about pleasing their coaches, who may be pressuring them to stay thin.
• The obesity rate is on the up and up. Harvard researchers claim that, if we continue our current health trends, 42% of adults will be obese by 2050.
• Celebrities? Too skinny? Maybe… But that’s how celebrities roll, right? Wrong. Here are some celebrities that are looking back and regretting being too thin.
• Plastic surgery won’t fix you! A study done on BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) sufferers who went under the knife reported that 42.8% of post-op patients became fixated on their body (the same part, or a new part) even after surgically altering it.
• Could body image be holding you back in the workplace? Dara Chadwick, author of You’d Be So Pretty If . . .: Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies–Even When We Don’t Love Our Own explores the idea on Psychology Today.

In The Community

• Shapewear… Is it contributing to body image issues and media standards – or just another piece of clothing?
• How do you feel about vanity sizing? Does it affect you, or do you even pay attention?
• Are men’s clothes more expensive thank women’s?
• And lastly… What do you call your vagina? Community member, Owl, posted an amazing chart full of vagina nicknames color coded for meaning.

Did you find an amazing piece of writing this week? Did you write one yourself? Comment with it so we can see!

Look, Know

Raisa (left), Ashiya (right)

The Demoiselles: First of all, thank you so much for taking some time to chat with us! We love your blog, and both of your styles are absolutely unreal. Where do you draw the majority of your inspiration for your outfits?

Ashiya: I think ‘inspiration’ is a very subconscious thing for me when it comes to getting dressed. I’ll maybe watch a film, read a book or listen to some music – or even see an amazing bit of architecture or design – and develop some sort of obsession without realizing it. Before I know it myself, I’m dressing like 1970s-era Brian Eno, wearing stark monochrome blue after Yves Klein, or mimicking the colour scheme of a Peter Greenaway film. It’s all self-expression, I guess. I like to have fun, that’s the most important thing!

Raisa: You have to mix what you like aesthetically, what you feel comfortable in, and partly what you think suits your own body. That’s what I’m thinking when I’m getting dressed anyway! I’m not really sure that my outfits go any deeper than that!

Ashiya: I definitely agree with feeling comfortable. It almost doesn’t matter what you wear if you wear it with absolute confidence.

Raisa: In terms of looking for clothing that I get inspired by, I pretty much wear the same things I’ve worn since I was 17, and that’s colourful, short, brightly patterned, mini dresses with interesting collars all year round, I also turn into Miss Marple come winter, lots of textures, wooly tights, velvet, tweed, corduroy, and felt hats.

TD: It is no secret that you both are vintage & thrifting queens. Any tips for the thrift/second-hand beginners (like us)?

Raisa: Well for me, whenever I am on the hunt, if you’re buying online, say on Ebay, my advice would be to look at the listings that don’t have a fancy photograph. The number of amazing things I’ve got for a much cheaper price because nobody else bid on it, just for the reason they couldn’t see beyond the dress. Look at the basic shape or cut and what the fabric/print quality is like, not how it looks pinned to fit the gorgeous model they’ve photographed. And always check the measurements match something that already fits you well; and if it’s too big – great! You can take in to fit your own measurements!

Ashiya: Yeah, I’ve won some incredible items on ebay due to bad pictures. Another tip is to generally avoid thrifting/charity shopping within fashionable/inner city areas, where the prices are high and the stock is average. Instead, head out to affluent suburban areas, where people have more money than sense and the lovely little old ladies in the charity shops don’t know their Chloe from their C&A. I’ve found some amazing, amazing vintage designer pieces for next to nothing.

TD: The first time we saw a photo of you two together – we were astonished! We had no idea that the height difference between you was so great. How tall are each of you?

Raisa: I’m 4ft 8in, Ashiya’s at least a foot taller then me!

Ashiya: We look pretty funny on the dancefloor if I’m in heels and Raisa’s in flats.

TD: What is the biggest struggle you find when looking for clothes to fit your body?

Raisa: Well I’m very petite, so nape to waist measurements in tailored pieces (coats, jackets, fitted dresses etc) can look all wrong on me, and obviously with trousers I have a hard time. But I’m also top heavy, a 30G sort of top heavy to be exact. So I struggle to wear clothes that flatter a larger bust, but sadly I’ve learnt to hide it. I’ve found that wearing vintage style underwear seems to work best on my figure.

Ashiya: My biggest bugbear is hip-waist ratios. I love high waists on pretty much everything, but always find that modern clothes either fit at the waist and are too small around the hips, or fit around the hips and gape at the waist. I therefore typically end up taking waists in, or buying vintage (which nearly always fits perfectly, showing how much beauty ideals have changed over the years).

TD: You are always pushing the envelope when it comes to different looks – how do you suggest people approach trends when dressing themselves?

Ashiya: I don’t recall ever buying something because it was in fashion! I don’t know… if you’re thinking about buying something ‘on-trend’, make sure it’s something which will fit in with the rest of your wardrobe, ensuring you’ll get good use out of it. Be honest with yourself when you try it on: does it suit you? Does it look natural or does it overpower you? You want to wear your clothes (no matter how basic or outrageous), not the other way round.

Raisa: Buy into trends that you inherently like, and bulk buy different items you want to invest in for future wearing. Pick and choose what you like best. Or maybe get something second hand/vintage, that interprets a new trend. That way, you won’t be wearing the same midi skirt everyone bought from the same high street shop.

TD: If you met yourself at age 13, what advice would you give yourself?

Raisa: Don’t let anyone EVER put you down, and NEVER compromise yourself for ANYONE.

Ashiya: Step away from the Sun-In/bleach/henna/brown hair dye/etc. Dear god, please! And maybe reconsider trying to dress like punk-era Siouxsie Sioux: it doesn’t suit you. On a more serious note, be yourself and be proud.

Visit Raisa and Ashiya on their fantastic blog, Look, Know!

The End of Summer? No! The Beginning of Awesome!

For the past week I’ve been listening to Cee-Lo Green’s fantastic send-off, F@#* You, and little else. At the same time I’ve been reading a lot of the hand-wringing in the press about bloggers and whatever are we going to do about them, along with our responses both here and on our blogs. And the two have combined in my head to form a single determination – bloggers need more swagger. I don’t mean anger, of the you-don’t-respect-us variety, or apologetics, of the we-are-as-legitimate-as-other-media variety. I mean swagger, the kind of swagger that comes from doing something well and knowing you’re good at it. So whatever other themes might knit together this week’s links, they all share that important characteristic – swagger. Step up to the plate, knock it out of the park.

Join us at IFB’s Evolving Influence Fashion Blogger Conference @ NYFW

Links à la Mode: September 2nd

• A la Modest – The Mystery and the Magnificent Monki
• All Tumbled Down – Fancy Style File
• Any Second Now – My Fashionable Heritage
• A Pretty Penny – Fashion Fitness and Floggers
• Awakened Aesthetic – To Covet: Cold Comfort
• Beautifully Invisible – The Corset: The Sexiest of Sexy Shapewear
• Beyond Fabric – Size and Fit: Shirts
• Bright Lights, Big Style – Losing Style in Fashion
• Chic Steals – Long-awaited Interview Outfit
• Fashion Cents – When to Alter Your Clothing
• Independent Fashion Bloggers: How Blogging Changed My Life
• My Closet in Sketches – Outfit Sketch
• Oranges and Apples – Thinking About Aging
• Ramblings With Rin – Before Meets After
• The Coveted – Design Your Own Shoes With Jeff Silverman
• The Demoiselles – Millenials: We Are the Revolution
• The Fashionista Lab – The Emmys: Red Carpet Recap
• The Lingerie Addict – Is Expensive Lingerie Worth the Cost?
• The Pursuers – Cheer Up, Margot
• The Sunday Best – Let Them Eat Bread
• What She Should Have Worn – Copy Cats

SPONSOR:

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Fast Forward to Fall

• a la modest: High-waisted jeans (a.k.a. mom jeans) are back in vogue!
• Beautifully Invisible: Steven Meisel’s Water & Oil: Social Commentary or Tasteless Fashion?
• Beyond Fabric: On men bags
• Dramatis Personae: Gilda Su announce Revasseur & Pre-Fall 2011 Lookbook.
• Embracing Style: How to make your own chain bag!
• Fete a Fete: Review of Guerlain’s new 68 Champs-Elysees fall 2010 makeup collection:
• For Those About To Shop: Katharine Hamnett is the mother of eco-fashion and believes consumers have the power to change the world
• Independent Fashion Bloggers: Can you Kickstart a New Career With Crowdfunding?
• Intrinsically Florrie: Dream dress and dream shoes- the fairytale look
• Kyoto Maiko: You Can’t Buy “Prep,” But You Can Own It…
• Miss Jones & Me: Roll into the Wild Woolly West: A focus on Fall transition pieces because the temperature can’t drop soon enough!
• My Closet in Sketches: A hand drawn interpretation of the magic of white jeans (from the Gap men’s department, to boot!).
• Vogue Gone Rogue: tuscan vineyards and teal rompers. A lighthearted outfit post inspired by Tuscan countryside and wine.
• Rags to Reverie: Sarah Mower’s Fashion Illustrations for Vogue China and Vogue Nippon
• Retro Chick: A very modern vintage manicure
• Shoe Daydreams: Where do you draw the line with knocks-offs… what about when a blogger favorite retailer is doing it?
• Shoeper Woman: Why does no one dress up any more?
• Style Eyes: How to jump right out of a style rut – some ideas on how to look and feel great
• Stylin’ Girl: Kristen McMenamy. Collages & trivia about a timeless fashion icon!
• The Demoiselles: What would you sacrifice for a more “fashion-friendly” body?
• The Simply Luxorious Life: A dream of a shopping list for the fall fashions – staples that will enhance any woman’s wardrobe.

Jealousy, Race, and Summer Jackets

Edited by: Thom Wong of The Sunday Best.
A veritable cornucopia of stylish reading awaits you in this week’s list. You’ll get taken on a tour of (rarely mentioned) downtown Halifax, discuss again whether any role model should be based on image, and look into doing the impossible with a dying medium. Along the way discover what tips men might have for women’s style, whether a closet can be perfectly unisex, and what Mormons might know about minimalism.

Links à la Mode: August 5th

• Amanda Lee: Avoiding Fashion Impulse Buys
• All Tumbled Down: Reflections on a year of no shopping
• An Early Life Crisis: Project 27 Completed!
• Beyond Fabric: Work appropriate: tips for being presentable at conservative workplaces
• Broke and Beautiful: You smell different.
• Clothed Much: How to create a minimalist closet
• Fashionable People, Questionable Things: Big Day Downtown: A Roundup of our shopping trip in downtown Halifax.
• Frenchleave: Who wants to wear a summer jacket
• Guacamole and Toast: An interview with The Impossible Project’s Florian Kaps
• Independent Fashion Bloggers: How to take your own outfit photos
• Mariel’s Castle: A case of unisex
• The Demoiselles: Women in the Media: Adele
• Stylish Thought: Losing Out Essence: Issues of Race in Fashion
• Modly Chic: Friend Friday: Blogger Jealousy
• Oranges and Apple German magazine bans professional models – nine months on
• Sparkle Birds: Sunday’s Best
• Sugar and Spice: Christina Hendricks: curvy role model or another unattainable ideal?
• The Coveted: Three essential beauty products under $20
• The Sunday Best: Copy Fail | Gap CORE
• The Very Subjective: The Style Thing
• Un-Stitched: Best of etsy.com

Looking back, moving forward?

Edited by: Florrie Clarke of Intrinsically Florrie.

Links à la Mode: July 29th