MY ANACONDA DON’T WANT NONE… if you say no, because I respect your boundaries.

‘CAUSE I’M LONG, AND STRONG AND I’M DOWN TO GET THE FRICTION ON… as long as it’s okay with you. otherwise I’m good with a movie and some tea.

SO LADIES, LADIES, IF YOU WANNA ROLL IN MY MERCEDES… please let me know ahead of time so that I can plan accordingly.

BABY GOT… self-respect.

OOH BABY I WANNA GET WIT YA, AND TAKE YO PICTURE… because you really have lovely eyes.

EVEN WHITE BOYS GOT TO SHOUT… I love spending time with you.

I’M TIRED OF MAGAZINES SAYIN FLAT BUTTS ARE THE THING… because I don’t appreciate mainstream media dictating standards of beauty and desire.

Until its latest issue, I’d never heard of S Magazine. A few days ago, however, Lindsay alerted me to a photoshoot by Rafael Stahelin, featured in S Magazine’s latest issue, that presses the bounds of androgynous male models to the next level, garbing them in gothic makeup and a combination of men’s and women’s fashions.

Those eyes!

 The designs shown here are modeled by Alex Dunstan and Callum Wilson, who do an impeccable job challenging the idea of gender aesthetics. I love them (and Stahelin) for it.

I also love it when models smile on camera. Sometimes, it feels like the most “subversive” kind of photograph there is.

“S. Magazine’s love for the human body is irrefutable. Whether in a fashion shoot or a photo-essay, S. Magazine just can’t resist showing some prime human flesh. And issue 12 is certainly no exception.

Rafael Stahelin’s fashion story ‘Down in Old Soho’  [is] a curious affair that develops on all of the Gothic imagery that has been so visible in fashion in recent years. Whilst the svelte androgynous models certainly have an air of the living dead about them that wouldn’t go amiss in a stylish vampire movie, here the mood is more one of Bowie playing his role in ‘The Hunger’ whilst hanging onto his Glam Rock wardrobe.”

-S Magazine (click here to buy Issue 12)

What do you think of this spread?
Be honest: does it make you uncomfortable, or even a little turned on?

The ever-rising world of self-love and body-acceptance is a roller-coaster of emotions for me.

I know, what sense does that make, given that I’m technically a “body image blogger?” Trust me, if I added that to the pre-existing mix of confusion, my eyes would roll back into me head and I’m start twitching and singing the theme song from the Smurfs. It’s happened once before.

I love that the movement of acceptance is becoming more visible – people are really thinking about things. Advertising is starting to become less shiny and glazed, fashion is starting to broaden its beauty ideals, and I couldn’t be more thrilled as I watch things roll out, and people’s minds start to work.

…Then I consider my own life, thoughts, and issues.

And, oh baby – have I got ‘em. I am still at odds with my body, brain, emotions, culture, spirituality… not all the time, but a good portion of it. There are so many niches of “self-acceptance” now, spanning from the mental approach of loving yourself to the physical act of being okay with your body. So why am I always so conflicted?

Many of these methods and paths that self-acceptance movements are taking are very exclusive and comparison-based.

It seems so counterintuitive. We’ve talked many times before about the whole “Real Women Have Curves” issue (thoughtfully written by Birdie of Bonne-Vie), which is continuing to make naturally thin women everywhere feel “less than” when it comes to “real beauty.” Being one who possesses curves, I can only imagine the effect of that idea… Where I really feel the burn is (what might be considered) more unusual methods of positive thinking. Here are the sources of some of my twitches (and by that I mean the “twitch” of inner-struggle I feel upon hearing/seeing these messages):

Natural Beauty

Ohh, women – they’re so gorgeous. They’re gorgeous in all skin tones, with all features, and from all cultures and nationalities. So gorgeous that they shouldn’t wear makeup. Why are you trying to cover up your natural beauty? Are you conforming to media ideals of beauty by piling on the concealer and loading up on red lipstick? Are you doing that for men? Do you need to feel sexy? (And my favorite…) “I bet you sure are pretty underneath all that makeup.”

So, when I get up in the morning, wash my face, and reach for my moisturizer that boasts “natural anti-aging formula” (it’s organic, yo), am I a fallen victim of societal pressure? When I get a big sample box of lipstick in the mail, and I fall in love with a deep red that make my lips look amazing… Am I just trying to be accepted as “pretty?” What if I freakin’ like to wear makeup? I just watched a video wherein 365 days of makeup was applied to a woman’s face, titled “Natural Beauty” – she looked atrocious at the end of it. Does this mean something? Am I a hypocrite?

Being a body image blogger doesn’t stop me from feeling a little ashamed of myself.

Plus Size/Fat Acceptance

It’s no secret here, my other blogs, or really anywhere else that I am an inbetweenie (that means in between straight size [0-12] and plus size [14+]). I am definitely no sample model, and I’m okay with that.

That being said, this “fat acceptance” community that has come into my line of vision over the last couple years has really interested me. “You mean, there is a group of strong women who are totally okay with being fat – and even embrace the word as a positive thing?” So novel! When I tried to immerse myself, and get into the community, I felt shunned. I was told I was “only” a size 14, and I didn’t “really understand” what it meant to be fat. I didn’t get it.

So my entire life, you’re telling me I felt like a fat, ugly ogre and it wasn’t even warrented because now I’m not fat enough? Good lord! So I wasted 23 years hating my body only to find a group of women who don’t hate their similar bodies but also don’t accept mine because my body is too close to what’s considered “good”? My goodness. I guess I don’t fit anywhere (including into a size 6 – but that wouldn’t be okay either).

Dieting

I was an athletic kid. Apparently, when I drink, I really like to talk about it and get into arguments about why left handed fielders are better at first base than righties. Whatever. I have muscles all over my body, and I love to use them. When those muscles are covered in more fat than I really would like, it makes it hard for me to use them, and that bums me out. I enjoy endorphins, I enjoy clear skin, and I really, really dig the feeling of accomplishment and pride in knowing that I am treating my body well.

Oh, and right now, I’m technically on a diet.

But wait – I’m a body image blogger. Diet? Body image? Self-love and self-acceptance? These words… they are… so confusing in terms of exclusivity… I have found myself embarrassed to tell people that I’m on a diet, and an exercise regime. Not because I’m heavy and embarrassed about it – God knows they have eyes and can see I’m not a waif – but because it insinuates that I’m not happy with my body and want to change it. This is both true and false. Am I happy with my body? For sure! It works, I’m a babe, things are great. Do I want it to be better – aw hells yeah. I am even counting calories, and typing that just now knowing that it’s going to be published here makes me a little anxious. Will I be judged because I am someone who promotes body acceptance – yet logs everything she eats? I just saw a tweet that said “Don’t count calories – count memories.” DEAR GOD, AM I BEING BRAINWASHED INTO COVETING MEDIA STANDARDS AND WASTING MY LIFE IN THE PROCESS?

—–

There are a lot of opinions out there – and the internet, blogging, and digital communities amplify them at a rate which is both awe-inspiring and a bit terrifying. I love reading people’s passionate arguments about what they believe is great versus what they believe is evil – love it. But I have made a commitment to stop comparing. I have lots of opinions – this we know. I think lots of things are really scary and horrible – especially in the world of body image and media standards… and comparisons are inevitable. I believe that comparisons can be made without ostracizing, critiquing or shaming anyone. I mean, hell, this whole Slutwalk movement is all about not shaming women and victims – so why is it okay to shame women who like to do things that can (only can, not universally do) contribute to a vast, complex issue like negative body image?

I understand and accept that I do a lot of thinking about thinking, and a lot of asking about asking… But I’m not a big ball of nerves. I believe that the issue of negative body image can be presented in a way that doesn’t make people who do participate in activities like dieting, wearing cosmetics, and embracing their figure – whatever it is – feel like they’re doing something that contributes to the demise of a culture.

What do you think? Have you ever felt shamed by an acceptance movement?

Sometimes it’s best to get back to the basics. The Demoiselles is founded upon the idea that every body – our real bodies, without cosmetic enhancements and Photoshop – is beautiful, and that we must fight against a greedy, marketing-based media to remind ourselves and others of our natural beauty to avoid losing ourselves and those we love to the idea that only someone thin (but curvy) and flawless (but unique) can be beautiful.

The video below, crated by the Media Education Foundation, is a well-argued reminder of just what we’re up against:

What media stereotypes have you been fighting lately?

What does the objectification of women in advertising make you feel?

I love it when science proves that what modern society often thinks of as “freaky” has really been normal all along.

From PBS.org:

“On nearly every continent, and for all of recorded history, thriving cultures have recognized, revered, and integrated more than two genders. Terms such as transgender and gay are strictly new constructs that assume three things: that there are only two sexes (male/female), as many as two sexualities (gay/straight), and only two genders (man/woman).

“Yet hundreds of distinct societies around the globe have their own long-established traditions for third, fourth, fifth, or more genders. Fred Martinez, for example, was not a boy who wanted to be a girl, but both a boy and a girl — an identity his Navajo culture recognized and revered as nádleehí. Most Western societies have no direct correlation for this Native “two-spirit” tradition, nor for the many other communities without strict either/or conceptions of sex, sexuality, and gender. Worldwide, the sheer variety of gender expression is almost limitless. Take a tour and learn how other cultures see gender diversity.”

To read about each of these societies, visit PBS.org and click “Launch the Map.” Have you ever heard of these societies before? Do you think that some people are born with more than one gender, or gender fluidity?

Lindsay often makes fun of me. Yes, it’s true. She’s horribly mean.

I kid, of course. Lindsay does poke fun sometimes – about as much as I poke fun at myself – and often the subject of the joke is that I always talk about how much I love our differences. “I love that we disagree about [whatever] and it’s okay.” “I love that our clothing styles are totally different.” “I love that our different perspectives means we can see more sides of a situation.”

I do not love that sometimes I’m a broken record…but I do love that I can find a way to appreciate almost anything. It makes life a little sunnier, most days.

And to say the word “love” just one more time: what I love the most is a key belief that we both share, the basis of both our passions and our journeys, in business and throughout our lives:

We believe there are no “rules” to follow, no “right way” to be fashionable, or female, or sexy, or anything. If you’re fat and you want to wear horizontal stripes, do it. If you’re a guy and you want to wear eye liner, we’ll help you pick out one that won’t smudge. If you think shaving your head is the hottest look for you this summer, we have some clippers you can borrow.

So it’s really, really exciting to see a major brand starting, slowly, to ask the same question we’ve been pondering here at The Demoiselles, and personally, for years:

What does it mean to be a man? Or a woman?

“This season we have decided to challenge our customers in the way they consider themselves. Moving forward from the idealized image of Man and Woman we have created scenarios that confront the viewer with the question “You are Man?” and “You are Woman?”.

For two weeks, French Connection set up THE MAN CAMP on the Isle of Malta and THE WOMAN CAMP on the Isle of Gozo and dared our ambassadors to discover what it meant to be a Man or Woman in the 21st century. Exploring ideas of how gender and society dictate how we are meant to act, we asked them to perform a series of tasks (ride a horse in the sea, look spectacular atop an inflatable animal, dance on piano keys, wrestle a biker, the list goes on)– all of these were captured on film to help define whether “You are Man?” Or “You are Woman?”, we also like to think it pushed the boundaries of fashion photography and was pretty fun too.”

-French Connection Campaign Page (emphasis mine)

French Connection’s S/S 2011 collection is simple and stunning, but the videos are what really astounded me. Rather than break down gender barriers with in-your-face tactics, they evoke emotions that remind us, gently, that men and women are more than the masculine and feminine sex appeal we expect to see on our TV.

No, these videos don’t necessarily challenge gender on a large scale. Yes, the women are wearing items from the women’s collection, the men from men’s, and there aren’t any great proclamations (other than that kittens are great for everyone). The videos are simple. They’re interesting. And to me, they’re a small but important way that one major brand is challenging gender stereotypes, just a little.

What do you think of French Connection’s S/S 2011 Campaign?

Visit the French Connection S/S 2011 campaign at FrenchConnection.com, and don’t forget to look at the fashion photography. It’s just as evocative as the videos above.

Yep, you read that right. A new project in New York City involves a beautiful, modern apartment building with a big anti-obesity policy. As Refinery29 points out, NYC has already banned trans fat from their street-meat-laden city, as it is currently not included in the top 25 Healthiest Cities in America. But is an “anti-obesity” building really effective in their fight to promote health?

Their elevator moves slowly – intentionally – to encourage residents to take the stairs. There will also be signs posted throughout the building chiding people to exercise. Located in the Bronx and unassumingly called “The Melody”, the building will open up this summer.

We did find some nice things to say about The Melody. Well, rather, someone else did:

The Melody includes 63 affordable co-operative units, with 14 units set aside for Habitat-NYC families. This LEED registered energy efficient and sustainable co-op is the first residential building to meet New York City’s Active Design Guidelines, promoting physical fitness and health for its residents. (Via Habitat NYC)

Yay, sustainable, yay co-op, yay affordable… But what is this “NYC Active Design Guideline” business? A peek at NYC.gov offers this summary:

“Active Design is critical to addressing obesity and its related diseases – the fastest growing epidemics of our time while also supporting the goal of sustainability.”

Further verbiage references the urban planners of the 19th and 20th centuries who upgraded city streets and buildings in an attempt to ward off diseases like Cholera and Tuberculosis. Now, in this new era, they’re focusing their tactics on the disease of obesity and “its impact on related chronic diseases.” So are we really comparing obesity to Tuberculosis and Cholera right now?

The Active Design Guidelines was developed by a partnership of the New York City departments of Design and Construction, Health and Mental Hygiene, Transportation, City Planning, and Office of Management and Budget, working with leading architectural and planning academics, and with help from the American Institute of Architects New York Chapter.

Ok, so… I’m failing to see the relationship between celebrating NYC’s amazing musical legacy in combination with an anti-obesity, pro-exercise apartment complex. Am I alone in that?

It seems to me that, while this Active Design building seems to be promoting their idea of physical health, they’re also shutting out the disabled, and indirectly shaming those who have physical ailments that affect their weight for reasons having nothing to do with lack of exercise or diet, as well as those who feel comfortable at a size that isn’t considered “healthy.” I feel like this is a bit close-minded when it comes to the issue of sedentary lifestyle in America. Particularly, the fact that the majority of jobs that people are working require them to plant-ass in a swivel chair for 8-10 hours per day, and Americans struggling to put food on the table in this shit economy certainly don’t have the extra bones for a fancy gym membership.

Here are some ideas I’d rather see than a literally exclusive living space:

• Affordable housing that is affordable. Period.
• A revised healthcare/insurance policy that affects people who work part-time at one, or several jobs (which is a decent percentage of the country, at this point).
• Gym memberships offered as a part of company insurance policies (it’s not for vanity, y’all – if I could snag a gym membership with my income, I completely would – but it’s not an option for me).
• More organizations tapping employers (and people in general) to offer volunteer, outside-of-the-gym exercise instruction (say, every Saturday for 3 hours, there is a free aerobics or cardio class in NYC parks). Not all of us can afford gym memberships, but we can all afford parks.

I don’t think that offering a hot commodity like affordable housing should come with the obligation for its residents to exercise. Considering the cost of living in New York City is 20% above the national average, this seems a bit like a tease wrapped in a shaming bow.

What do you think about “Anti-Obesity” apartments?

Images via CBS, WFUV

In the past month, one half of The Demoiselles turned twenty-six, the other twenty-eight. I think this is the part where I’m supposed to make some age-related quip – something about being like a fine wine, or wisdom, or maybe my cholesterol – but for me, turning twenty-eight holds no angsty symbolism, no “almost thirty” fear or “last hurrah” excitement.

Like every other birthday, I see May 30, 2011 as a day to take stock, recognize who I am right now, and make my birthday about celebrating that person by doing whatever the hell I want.

When I woke up this morning, I decided that the person I am, the person I want to be for my twenty-eighth year, is the kind of person who gets some shit done in the morning, and then does whatever the hell she wants in the afternoon. So I did some laundry, ate some breakfast, washed my dishes, and then went out for a latte.

I turned up my music, sang poorly, and went to a local electronics store to look at netbooks I can’t afford as a reminder to not buy shit I don’t need (and to get excited about netbooks). I went to PetSmart to look at dog ramps I’ll probably buy online instead and cuddle up to cats from no-kill shelters that will find homes that aren’t mine.

I tagged photos of myself on Facebook in which I am wearing a brand new dress that I thought was too small for a split second before saying, “Fuck it, I love it and I’m hot in it,” and playing beer pong for the first time. (Yes, twenty-eight. First time. You read that right.)

The dress is by (Pacific NW local) Kevin Darras, the beer is by The Pike Brewing Company, and those little red cups are just classic.

I had an argument with my boyfriend, then talked it through and had some hugs instead; I commented on how nice it was outside and then went out there to enjoy it.

And right now, I’m sitting in bed at 7pm, because my bed is fantastic and I love to write while sitting in it. And then – then! I’m going to take a nap. At 7pm.

It’s totally going to mess up my sleep schedule, but the person I am, the person I’m going to be while I’m twenty-eight, knows that sometimes being reckless is worth it, because you can feel a late night adventure welling up within you and it doesn’t matter that you’re almost thirty, “an adult,” and probably not supposed to nap at 7pm.

Because to me, that’s what twenty-eight is all about.

Happy birthday, Jen and Lindsay. I hope that twenty-eight and twenty-six are exactly what you want them to be.

I’m such a rebel.

However, if I was celebrating Memorial Day weekend – one of the biggest travel holidays, a crazy huge sale holiday, and general consumer-driven extravaganza – I would be spending this evening looking for a new swimsuit. (You know, something good for gallivanting.)

The truth is that I don’t even know if I own a swimsuit anymore, or at least one that fits. Every year I buy something I don’t love, and every year it conveniently gets lost in the heaps of clothes I just don’t care about. So I go on another quest, always at the last minute, when everything at TJ Maxx has been picked over and the stress of summer shopping has left me feeling sweaty and gross, and every year, I end up disappointed.

I think part of my procrastination, and the bad luck that results from it, is due to the fact that I vacillate every damned year about what kind of swimsuit I want to buy. One piece or two? Retro or modern? Supportive bra cups or a halter with choke-you-to-death-but-aren’t-your-boobs-fabulous straps?

And there are so many things to take into consideration when choosing a swimsuit: Sexuality. Modesty. Proportions. Figure flattering styles. Shapes, colors, cuts, and how your top is a large but your bottom is a medium and all the separates are boring as hell. It just doesn’t end.

So, dutiful readers, inspire me. Tell me about your swimwear.

Lastly, please comment below and tell me what your current swimwear looks like – photos and product links encouraged!