Because this post discusses pornography, many of the links are not safe for work. Those links will have a star (*) next to them. If you’re uncertain of the content of a link, wait to click until you get home.

Last week the whole blogosphere was run amok with sex, as Rabbit White’s Lady Porn Day took over social media.  We made our own contributions: Feeling it Out, What Normal Looks Like, and Self Love & Sex Education.

We were floored when we heard that Stoya*, a super hot, very intelligent, totally empowered porn star, had responded to What Normal Looks Like, an article about mainstream pornography’s interpretation of lady parts.

Stoya’s post, via her Tumblr*, was in response to a specific quote in What Normal Looks Like.  Here’s the quote:

“Mostly, it’s all about making things bigger or smaller: bigger outer labia, smaller inner labia, modified clitoral hood.  Because looks are everything when someone’s about to give you an orgasm.

…well, okay, maybe in porn they are.”

Stoya’s response, in short, is that while “the director, production company, camera guy, etc. care what the vaginas look like,” the men don’t give a fuck.

“But the male talent? They don’t care. They get paid to have fun with the most meticulously groomed ladies available to the adult industry, and (in my experience) even if you’re having sex with them off set just for fun they don’t give a flying rats ass what kind of half grown out razorburned disaster area you’ve got going on in your crotch as long as it doesn’t look diseased and you’ve taken a shower recently. Even then, the shower might be negotiable.”

She goes on to remind women to get to know their vaginas, to be comfortable with them, and to enjoy them at every stage of their cycle, every month.  We couldn’t agree more!

I do want to respond to Stoya’s post, though, to clarify the above quote about how “looks are everything” in porn.  Because, in mainstream porn, it’s true.

No, the men in porn don’t care what your vagina looks like. In fact, most heterosexual men that aren’t in porn don’t care either. As Stoya said, if it’s clean, free of disease and you don’t appear to be in (unwanted) pain, a guy won’t notice how purple your labia are, or if your clitoris is large, or whatever. Pussies don’t come into play when a guy is talking about a girl that’s “his type,” just like dicks and balls don’t typically enter into a woman’s explanation of the kind of guy she’s into.

But as Stoya said, the porn industry does care, within varying degrees.

“They care for the same reason that a contractor might leave a light switch plate off in his own home but really ought to make sure every detail of a home they are building for someone else is perfect. We are producing a product and every detail should have the highest production value possible.”

Stoya’s experience is that the porn industry cares about what her body – including her vagina – looks like because of production value. That I understand: if the vagina was the bedroom of a house, each wall should be painted, the floor should be finished, the glass installed in the windows and a door frame put in place. Each vagina – and cock, and anus, and mouth – should look finished and clean.

However, mainstream porn – and the cosmetic industry, and mainstream media – has gone further than that. They’ve homogenized vaginas into a single “preferred” look that screams pre-pubescence: tight, light-colored and completely hairless labia, with a bare pubic mound (okay, sometimes there’s a liiiiittle tuft) and a bleached anus. Not only must the bedroom be “finished and clean,” but every window should be square, every door made from the same wood, every wall painted beige.

Stepford vaginas.

Retail outlets now offer “intimate area bleaching” products, and the International Society of Cosmetogynecology recently held their Second Global Symposium on Cosmetic Vaginal Surgery…after the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists warned that the risks of “vaginaplasty” far outweighed any (unproven) benefits.  Vaginal cosmetic surgery has more than tripled in the United States between 2005 and 2008.

Ladies, there’s a big difference between vaginal grooming for production value and the outright homogenization of pussies.

And while most men don’t care what your pussy looks like (and any that do need to bleach the “intimate area” of their brain) the increase in sales of these products and cosmetic surgeries means that women think they do. Just like many of us think we’re supposed to be a tight and toned size four, or have hard-nippled, pert and perky double-D breasts, or shining, long, vividly-highlighted hair.

This isn’t the fault of men; it’s the fault of a mainstream media that continues to tell us that (a) there’s a “perfect woman,” and (b) that we don’t have value if we’re not her.

Stoya at the AVN Awards* – she made that outfit herself!

I’ll leave you with another quote from Stoya’s Tumblr*.

“Please…get to know your vagina. Find out what it looks like in various states of arousal. Find out what it smells like over the course of your monthly cycle. Get in there with a mirror and a speculum and really get to know it. Whatever it does is right for it, and the only time you should be concerned is when your Gynecologist is or if it’s doing something out of character. Don’t let a sexual partner tell you something that’s normal for your body is gross or wrong. If they do, don’t let them back until they’re ready to deal with the reality of sex.”

The truth is that the US media isn’t ready to deal with the reality of sex. We need to look to alternative media, including alternative pornography stars like Stoya, to remind ourselves that whether you’re a man, woman, trans, genderless, or somewhere in between, your body is just fine the way it is. The only reason you should ever want to change it is to please – you guessed it – you.

All images via Stoya’s Tumblr.

Last night, I shaved my legs.  It’s been…months?  I’m not even sure anymore.

The entire time, I was thinking about Molly and Cristen.

No, I don’t have two hot new girlfriends.  Molly and Cristen work for HowStuffWorks.com, and both podcasted at Stuff Mom Never Told You.  (Cristen still does – Molly’s working in other areas because she’s versatile like that. I’m utterly misinformed – they both still run Stuff Mom Never Told You. I was thinking about another How Stuff Works podcast series, because I’m the kind of girl who listens to a ton of ‘em.)  Back in October, they released a podcast entitled, “When did women start shaving their legs?“ It was sort of mind-blowing, mostly because I, like many other women, had never thought about it.

Basically, like every other beauty standard, shaving comes down to marketing.

In the early 1900s, women were already worried about hair, but only the stuff you could see.  The fashions of the period covered the arms and legs, leaving the top of the head – grab your combs and scissors, ladies! – and faces as the only hair one might have to be concerned about.  But in 1915, all that changed.

An advertisement came out in Harper’s Bazaar featuring a new fashion: sheer, short or non-existent sleeves that, when a woman’s arm was raised, showed her then-hairy pits.

By 1917, anti-underarm hair ads began popping up in middle-class rags like McCall’s, mainly due to Gillette (are you surprised?), who wanted to expand their market and begin selling razors to women.  By 1922 the battle was pretty well won: most women had succumbed to the idea that, as the ads were want to convince them, “the underarm must be as smooth as the face.”

The leg-shaving battle (or “smoothing” as they called it) took more work…until World War II.  Hemlines began to rise, pin-ups gained popularity, bikinis came into fashion, and a silk shortage all but took stockings off the market.  Women suddenly had to show their legs, and with magazine ads telling them that bare, hairy legs were unfeminine (the first “leg-smoothing ad” came out in 1918) they didn’t see much of a choice.

And that was that.  Women added shaving their legs to their “daily toilet,” and all that was left to conquer was pubic hair (porn, anyone?).

This wouldn’t be a Demoiselles article if I didn’t give my take on this media-induced trend, so though this opinion is pretty obvious coming from my mouth, here it is:

If you want to shave your pits, your legs, your pubic hair: go for it.  Just know why you’re doing it, and don’t let it be about some crappy standard that Gillette foisted on women a hundred years ago to make an extra buck.  (And non-shaving ladies: recognize that choosing to shave isn’t an anti-feminist act.)

Do you shave your legs?

After reading this article, do you feel differently about doing so?

This year (this morning, in fact), plus size models will walk the runway at New York Fashion Week for the first time.

While some fashion lovers are celebrating – plus size is finally being recognized! – others don’t think that a runway show hosted by OneStopPlus.com (which many say is not the plus-size fashion-savvy hub they insist it is) is enough.  Why aren’t size 12 models integrated into major designers’ shows?  Why must they be delegated to a single runway, and a single show?

Image via model7972.net

There is a third school of thought.  It’s the one that I, along with Robin Givhan, fashion editor for The Washington Post, belong to.  In an interview with NPR, Ms. Givhan put it quite succinctly (emphasis mine):

“There is a real disconnect between what the fashion industry considers to be a plus-size model and what the average person considers to be plus size,” Givhan said.

[...] Givhan wondered when we would “know what an acceptable-size model is supposed to look like … when does plus size, in a profoundly overweight population, become just as distressingly unhealthy an image as emaciation?”

On one end, the fashion industry is showing us these very thin 14- and 15-year-old girls and portraying them as women, Givhan said. On the other hand, there’s the unhealthy nature of obesity and the politically correct aspect of saying, “You should be happy with who you are,” she said.

“What we have to figure out is: How do we celebrate good health without stigmatizing people who are on either end of the spectrum and are still trying to work their way towards middle ground, which is good health?”

-NPR, Fashion Week’s Latest Trend? Plus Size Models

Though the interview was done in February, Ms. Givhan’s words resonate with me more and more as I watch the fashion scene polarize itself in regards to plus size models.  Some designers refuse to use them.  Others laud them.  And the public goes into a tizzy every time one of them gains or loses weight.  (Crystal Renn, anyone?)

Here are the facts:

• “Regular” models are, on average, a size 0 or 2.
• Plus-size models are, on average, a size 10 or 12.
• The average woman in the US is a size 14, and that number is going up.
• The US is the third fattest country in the world, and is currently fighting an “obesity epidemic.”

I’ve mentioned before that I think the fashion industry’s focus on the extreme is, in a word, dumb, but it bears readdressing, and repeating:

When we focus on the superficial size differences between “regular models” and “plus-size models,” we are focusing not on self-love, acceptance and healthy bodies, but instead upon the celebration of polarizing extremes.

Which is dumb.

I’m excited for today’s plus-size fashion show, I really am.  I’d just be more excited if we could quit stressing about whether plus-size models are “really plus-size,” and more about whether we – the US population, the models on the runways – are an example of good health.

Because seeing “me” walk down a runway in a fabulous dress does no good if I don’t have enough energy to get out of my chair and buy it.

Lindsay’s Unsolicited Opinion (actually, it was solicited, but whatever):

Being technically plus-sized (well, “technically” both Jen and I are), I’m kind of… Well, my eyebrow is permanently raised at the fashion industry when it comes to the size of models in conjunction with not only my marketing brain, but my health-brain thought processes.

I’m unsure how excluding the vast majority of women from your demographic so blatantly can seem like a good idea to any well-marketed fashion company… But at the same time, we (including myself on several occasions) eat it up. When I flip through a magazine and only see size 4 and under – I don’t even bat an eyelash anymore. The only time my eyelashes even move is when I see someone who might be a size 8 wearing something designer-created. Major design houses have subliminally convinced us, as consumers and general fashion connoisseurs, that their clothes… well, they don’t fit anyone who isn’t a model. The craziest part is that we all seem to have come to terms with that. It’s a strange world, folks.

While fashion, as an industry, has been inching their 5″ platforms ever slowly towards the “we care about health” image, there’s still no visual indication, model-wise, that they’re making any changes at all. They’ve been catching hell for years for using tiny-waisted, Amazonian models and rebutting with “well, they’re hangers for clothes!”, which is supposed to make it acceptable to us, as consumers (who, you know, want to fill those clothes with bodies).

Trust me, I’d love to see a whopping size 8 walk down the runway – hell, it might do something crazy to my intentions… like direct them towards buying an actual garment because I’d have any idea at all what it might look like on me. A little added bonus of this fairytale idea? Maybe women would actually envision themselves wearing designers clothing and – gasp – become support the fashion industry financially and morally.

I guess we’ll see.

I have them. Do you? The blues that come when you realize that you’re not big enough to fit into plus size, but not small enough to fit/enjoy regular sizes.

I received a question from a reader over at Broke & Beautiful that I thought I’d answer over here.

Hello, I have been reading your blog fro some time and i love how you have outfit suggestions. I love to shop but almost always return what i buy because it dont work for me. I am size 12/14 with a 40DD top. plus size fashions are always too big but women sizes are almost always too small! any suggestions? its like i just dont know where to look. thanks for any help!

First of all, let me get an Amen. Seriously.

Women’s “Misses” sizes usually top out at 14 (sometimes 16), while Plus Size starts around 12-16 and goes on upwards from there. If you’re a size 14, like me, where are you supposed to go? Top of the Misses size chart, or bottom of the Plus Size? It doesn’t seem like it should matter, right? The problem, though, is that regular and plus sized garments are constructed completely differently.

Plus Size clothes are cut fuller than Misses, meaning they’re a bit more forgiving than their Misses-sized counterparts. For instance, a size 14 in Misses and a size 14 in Plus would have similar waist measurements, but the hips and thighs would be much fuller, allowing for more room than the Misses 14. Same thing goes for tops, as well. The waist on a top will be fuller in comparison to the bust than the Misses, as well as the sleeves.

So what’s a girl to do when she has the boobs of a Plus Sized woman, but a body that could be Misses?

Well, all I can do is tell you what I’ve learned as a fashion-crazed, almost-Plus Size, in-betweeny, so here it goes.

First of all, possibly the most important concept is deceivingly simple: GOOD. BRA. It can really make all the difference between having the best fit in any department. I definitely recall my personal astonishment after trying on clothes with a great bra on… It removed an entire dress size, and I didn’t lose a pound. Plus, if the bust is cut larger in the Plus Size top, you want to be sure that you try your clothes on with a better bra because lack of support in the bust could mess up the fit.

Secondly, buy quality. I know it seems obvious, so I won’t go into detail about it, but quality = longevity = worth the money to get it tailored to your body. There’s no better way to get “the perfect fit” than getting it cut exactly for your body.

Third, know where to go. Finally, what you asked for, right? As far as the question of the hour is concerned (Plus? Or Misses?), there doesn’t seem to be an answer, unfortunately. It has everything to do with the designer/manufacturer, and your body. Personally, from what I know of your situation, if the Plus Size 12 is too big, look for a Misses 14-16 to compensate, and if the Misses size 12/14 is too small – look for Misses size 16. They’re definitely out there, you just have to know where to look! What I can offer you, though, is a list of excellent stores that offer Plus Size and/or Misses sizes on the higher end.

Jones New York
Misses Sizes: 4-16
Plus Sizes (“Woman”): 14W – 22W
For: Classic work-wear that could easily be used for evening or cocktails. Very chic, affordable, and feminine.

Cape Town Slim Capri With Belt($69), No-Iron Easy Care French Cuff Striped Shirt ($89), The Signature Shape Jean ($89). Editor’s Note: Those shoes are awful, on the right. D:

Torrid
Plus Sizes: 12 – 26
For: Edgy, fun separates, sexy jeans and flashy dresses. Also extremely affordable, and the quality (from my personal experiences) is decent.

Grey Striped Voile Rolled-Sleeve Tunic Top ($44), Black Ruched Twill Pencil Skirt ($44), Cranberry Dolman-Sleeve V-Neck Sweater ($44)

BabyPhat (hear me out!)
Misses/Juniors Sizes: XS – XL
Plus Sizes: 1X – 3X (14-24)
For: I was shocked the first time I went to the Baby Phat website and saw what they were about. Man, if you look at the stuff that isn’t emblazoned with that damned, tall cat, they actually have some really unique and sophisticated stuff.

Belted Fold Over V-Neck Sweater ($79), Dusk Wash Natural Fit Roll Cuff Jean ($64), Mixed Print Slit Sleeve Belted Top ($49).

b&lu
Plus Sizes: 1X – 6X
For: Extremely adorable separates and the occasional gorgeous dress. …Did I mention the Forever 21-esque prices?
Editor’s Note: Ashe Mischief chronicled her experiences with b&lu on her site, here & here!

Giana Vest ($38), Kaehler Top in Black ($34), Keane Bolero ($32).

Shabby Apple
Misses: XS – XL
Plus Sizes: WS – WL
For: Some of the most beautiful dresses we’ve seen, for daily wear.
Editor’s Note: Use the code brokebeautiful10off for 10% off!

Midtown Dress ($74), 24K Dress ($98).

Do you have any additional advice for our reader? Do you know about an amazing place to shop for plus/misses? Let us know in the comments!

In summer, flat sandals are a must. Whether you’re sitting on the beach in front of a bonfire, traipsing around the city hunting sales, or just having a drink with a good friend – when the temperature starts to soar, you’d better be sure you’re in open-air footwear.

We’ve all heard about gladiator sandals… And by that we mean our ears are falling off while we’re screaming “NO MORE GLADIATORS!!!”. Well, we have a bone to pick with the typical gladiator sandal, so just suffer through one more post, if you please.

Our issue is this: gladiator sandals are cute and whatever, but sometimes there’s a strip of material that covers the heel, and it completely throws off our leg-line from the side! It looks like part of our foot was chopped off and, as a result, calves look completely out of proportion.

Because we both have muscular legs, we’re proud of our calves! …As long as they look like real, human calves and not some kind of weird, elephant-calf with a tiny foot attached. This is all on top of the fact that there are usually ankle straps, which as we know, minimize the ankle – making the calf look bigger already.

Fortunately, this problem is easily fixed by finding a cute sandal with an open heel. There are only about a billion different styles, so you’re in luck! Here are some of our favorites (and they’re all under $100!):

G. Style

Did you see how we abstained there? G. Style is very similar to the above pictured style, but with the treasured open heel.

See, you still get the intricate, bold feel of a gladiator sandal!

Classed-Up Flip Flops

I love my rubber flip flops as much as the next girl, but there’s something to be said for the flip-flop style with a little extra sophistication… It can really make an outfit shine.

A little patent leather, and some subtle detailing pumps up the volume on these basic summer sandals.

Embellished & Bold

Obviously, if we’re after gladiator sandals, we’re after a bold-but-easy look. Nothing accomplishes “bold” and “easy” better than some bright, flashy gems and stones.

The extra little heel on the last shoe will only compliment your gams, while still keeping them entirely walkable.

Tell us about your favorite flat sandals! Would you wear any of these?

Last week, Elle’s emphatic rant about Chic Report’s perception of Scarlet Johansson’s makeup-less cover of French Elle received a lot of really positive, aligned responses from you guys. One lady in particular, Eyeliah from Style Symmetry, was so outraged by Chic Report’s “suggestions” that she was inspired to post photos of her face, completely free of makeup, on her own blog.  She announced her intentions on Twitter, and I told her that if she did it, we would, too!

Eyeliah posted her stunning, stunning photos of herself last week, you can see them here.  True to our word, here are ours!

Elle: I took these ASAP after waking up, so not only am I rocking the “no makeup” look, but also the “crazy hair” and “sleepy eye” looks, too! I wanted to note that, after I took my makeup-less photos, I noticed a lot of things about my face that I’d never really taken the time to observe before. I noticed that my lips are very asymmetrical… And I really like it! I always felt like I was too “plain looking”, so these photos really helped me to realize my individual beauty.

Jennifer Nicole: Elle had the right idea: the best thing I could do was take these first thing in the morning.  Because I was half asleep, it was easy to relax and let the photos happen.  You’ve probably seen me without makeup before – on Awakened Aesthetic, Livejournal, or anywhere, really – but it’s rare that I’m makeupless and smiling.  I love how pink my lips in the morning, and the way my eyes have started to crinkle as I get a little older.  And rosacea?  It just means I never need blush!

Help us win the fight against this anti-progressive beauty standard by uploading your own makeup-less photos to our Flickr group!

Hi. This is Elle. Yesterday, my boyfriend called me a “diva”.

A DIVA, ladies. Don’t get me wrong, I know I have (ahem) assets, but a diva, I am not. I do not have any large hats with big bows on them. I do not own a dress made from sequins. I do not require 75 green M&Ms in my dressing room before my show.  In fact, I don’t even have a show.  So where is this coming from!?

Upon stifling my shock, I did manage to squeak out a “Could you elaborate on that? Honey? Honey-dearest?” Are you imagining my strained smile?

Apparently, the culprit of my diva-dom is my shoes, sunglasses and 20 oz. latte. Okay, so we’re no longer talking about “take the stage” diva – we’re talking about “I’m too good for you” diva, which – in my opinion – is worse than the former. When I think “Diva + Shoes + Coffee + Sunglasses”, I see Victoria Beckham which, I admit, isn’t too bad… But from a boy’s perspective, I can assume it’s not the greatest vibe to be throwing out there.

…But what does that mean as far as my style goes?  After spilling the above story to Jennifer Nicole, she revealed that she’d gotten the same -ahem- “star treatment” from her boyfriend and we decided to tackle the question as a whole: How do our partners’ views of our styles change the way we view ourselves?

I definitely don’t like the connection between myself and “diva”, so should I take my boyfriend’s statement to heart? Do I adjust my style standards based on an analysis from a grungy, non-style-interested boy in his late 20s or say, “Hey, my style is open to interpretation, and I’m movin’ on”?  This is the man I’m in love with, the man whose opinions I respect in everything else, and though I could race through the self-conscious question line involving such standards as “Does he think less of me now?”, it does me no good.  Besides, I’m worried about my style here, people!

While I respect his opinion, I currently have no plans of adjusting my “diva”ness. I love my big, bug sunglasses, and my ever-growing shoe collection. I am completely and wholeheartedly addicted to my 20 oz. Soy Carmel Latte, and ripping that from my hands might as well kill me on the spot. Of course I would never fault my darling boy for interpreting my style that way – hell, that’s what it’s there for! Art is always open to interpretation – that’s the beauty of it. While I might smile more at folks passing on the street (I’m not a diva, I promise!), I certainly have no plans to change my style because of my boyfriend’s perception.

Luckily, my boyfriend has figured out that the word “diva” sends most fashionistas into a fit, so when we started talking about style, that word never passed his lips.  He did mention, though, that when he met me I was “a total prep,” and that after I moved to Seattle my style changed to “indie…but not music indie.  Casual indie.”  I think that has something to do with my love affair with jeans, but I hope it also takes into account that I go for a less trendy “effortless” look.  When I pushed for clarification, all he said was, “Like fashion, I am open to interpretation.”

Thanks, honey.  That really helps.

While I take my boyfriend’s opinions into consideration - he’s got an eye for classic fashion and can always tell if something will work on my curvy body - I never rely on them when it comes to my personal style.  If I had, I would still be stuck in that preppy rut, wondering if he’d hate that weird-looking top or those bright orange shoes (which, by the way, he thinks are a little silly…and I still wear them).  Because I can be an impulsive shopper, I do ask him about clothing I’m uncertain about, but if it’s something I know I’ll wear, something that makes me feel good about myself, it’s going in my closet whether he likes it or not!

How does your partner feel about your style?  What do you do when their Boyception (or Girlception!) doesn’t match your view of yourself?

Now that we’ve covered the politics of garment sizing, we know that there are definitely several ways to find out the correct size for you… But we also learned that no size is created equal. We’re three extremely differently shaped women, and we have some choice words (read: gripes) on the sizing process:

Birdie’s Experience:

It’s harder than you think to be small-statured. I’m Birdie, I’m 5’5″ on a good day, and I am moderately slim and height-weight proportionate. Unfortunately, modern vanity sizing doesn’t do me justice. Women think it should be easy for someone of my size and stature to find cute clothing – I think I should be able to find sophisticated, beautiful outfits in my size, but that’s rarely the case. I’m the girl who goes to Gap, tries on a size 2 jean, and realizes that if it fits my rear it gaps in the back and shows off what I may be wearing underneath. If it fits well around the waist/hip it’s too small around my bottom, and incredibly long in the inseam. I’ve finally realized that most manufacturers don’t make women’s jeans in my inseam – I’m stuck in juniors sizing forever.  It’s either that, or I’m doomed to a life of rolled-up pantlegs and shortened tendons, because the only time I can wear the long inseam is with tall heels.  I live the city life, which involves a lot of walking and public transportation and sometimes a heel just doesn’t suit my needs.  When I wear flats, I have to roll up my pantlegs and once again, I look like a high-schooler.  My inseam isn’t that short – just keep that extra inch of fabric to make something else!

I’ve had salespeople suggest petites – insist them, even – but petites are generally too short and too boxy. You should see the way the salesgirl’s face scrunches when I come out in the pants she conned me into trying, and they’re an inch and a half too short. Once I finally try on petite items at their insistence, they realize what sort of spot I’m in when it comes to buying well-fitting items. In tops, petites are cut too short in the sleeve (my arms aren’t unnaturally long) and too short in the body, but are still very wide around the waist. It seems, sometimes, like manufacturers think petites take their normal size patterns and lop an inch or two off in the inseam, arm length and body; however, most petite women I know need the shoulders and waist taken in as well. I’ve recently noticed, when some piece of apparel I currently own bites the dust, I cringe at the thought of going out to try and replace it. There’s just nothing in my size – everything is made for bigger, taller women.

Elle’s Experience:

My name is Elle, I’m 5’6″, and I’m an “in-betweeny” – I’m not “plus-sized”, but I’m not quite “regular-sized” either, whatever that means. I live in Chicago, a city made for walking. I need clothing that reflects my absolute respect for fashion and adventure, but is acceptable for multi-mile walks with cocktails at the end. I’m obsessed with high fashion and designer clothing, yet I’m completely, physically unable to wear it. I’m not fat, but I’m not thin, either. I can shop at GAP, and I can shop at Torrid – but both fit me completely differently. For years, I sunk into the depths of baggy jeans and oversized hoodies because of my frustration surrounding my size. Not only am I essentially shamed for being the size I am, if I want clothing to fit me properly, I have to dress like a 40 year old woman because of the offerings in your typical “plus-size” sections. If I never see another billowy, rayon-blend shirt or elasticized waist again, I’ll die a happy woman. Plus-size manufacturers (or “designers” – ha!) seem to think that, if you don’t fit into “regular” clothes, you must obviously want to hide that big, fat body of yours… And you must be old enough to no longer care about current fashion trends, designers, or any architectural components of apparel.

As hard as I try, I’ll never be a size 4. Hell, I probably couldn’t be a size 8 without some serious malnutrition! Aside from that fact, I don’t know if I even want to be that small. Is it worth giving up my hourglass figure, and various “assets” just to squeeze my butt into a $1,500 Givenchy frock? Perhaps not… But I still deserve to enjoy fashion, and dress like the 23 year old woman I am.

Jennifer Nicole’s Experience:

My name’s Jennifer Nicole, and my problem is two-fold: I’ve got that elusive hourglass figure – large breasts, a tiny waist and child-bearing hips – and I’m also petite, measuring a mere 5′ tall.  That means two things: tall people think I’m adorable – my boyfriend’s 6’5″ - and almost everyone comments about how easy it must be for me to find clothes.  They’re so wrong.

No matter how much I weigh, my chest stubbornly measures somewhere between a 30DD and a 32DD, which oftentimes puts me in the “large” section of size charts…whether or not my waist is small enough to fit a medium or (gasp!) a small.  Because of this, I tend to keep myself at a heavier weight, so my shirts and dresses don’t look like potato sacks (when I buy a large) or hooker-wear (when I try to squeeze my top half into a medium or small).  This ain’t no Baywatch episode, ladies: those shirts really ARE meant for women with small breasts.

My lower half is an altogether different struggle.  There’s this expectation that if someone has 36″ hips and needs a short inseam, she must have a wide waist, too.  I’ve only found one brand of jeans that fits both my waist AND hips, and as for anything high-waisted?  Please.  Unless I work with a tailor, which is both time-consuming and expensive, I’m stuck with hip-huggers…or staying heavy.

Add in the short factor and I have even less options: sure, I can get pants hemmed, but skirts are more complicated and time-consuming, especially when something was supposed to be above-the-knee, but because of my hipbones it sits at mid-calf (which is the best skirt length if you want to make a short girl look even shorter).  So, in short, there are two available “styles” for me: I either wear too-long pants and boxy, blob-like  shirts, or I’m stuck in stretchy hip-huggers and “babydolls” that harken back to my junior high school days.  Who would have thought that dressing the media’s favorite sexpot image – boobs! hips! nipped in waist! – would be so difficult?

What’s your sizing rant?