We are delighted to have a guest post from one of the most insightful, ambitious, and effervescent writers on the ‘net. Ellie Di is a headologist, spiritual nomad, compulsive scribbler, literary midwife, professional pompom shaker, and master of the delicious mess. She spends her days writing like a motherfucker and plotting the next Big Thing. You can stalk her on her site, The Headologist, Twitter, Facebook, Google+, or Pinterest.
Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s Maybelline.
Wait, so I have to guess whether or not this woman naturally has stunning eyes, perfect eyebrows, shiny lips, and flawless skin? And if she wasn’t born with it, clearly she needs cosmetics to make her that way? Who told her in the first place that she needed these just-so immaculate features in order to be beautiful?
Oh, right. The media. Maybelline. Interesting how that works out, isn’t it?
It’s a vicious goddamn cycle. We feel perfectly fine in your skin until someone or something tells us we’re not. The influence we let in to devour our self-esteem could be our mom, our worst enemy, a teacher, or a random asshole on the street – it could even be ourselves; they’re all informed and fuelled by the media that this is what’s beautiful and nothing else. For some unfathomable reason, we acquiesce to the pressure, permit the lie to sink in, and then we turn to the same fucking source to “fix” us.
We let the media and all its willing minions, including ourselves, tell us that we’re worthless unless we have this body or that face. We actually start to believe and, unwittingly or not, even evangelize it. Buy Alli and TrimSpa! Buy Bare Minerals and Rimmel! Then you’ll have value, then you’ll be worthy.
How fucked up is that?
And now I’m about to make an incredibly complex problem into a painfully simple one. It’ll probably piss you off, but that’s okay. In fact, that’s good – you should be pissed off about this.
You let it happen. You did it to yourself.
Probably unbeknownst to you, the gatekeeper of your Self ushered those “you’re ugly unless you buy (fill in the blank)” thoughts right into your core. There was a vulnerable moment, a flicker of comparison and doubt in the midst of your I’m Awesome-ness, and your Evil Auctioneer pounced on it to sell you every product you never needed to make you into a person you were never meant to be.
The idea sat there and festered, growing like a cancer every time you gave in to the media’s insistence that you’re not good enough without XYZ. You let yourself believe the lies because they’re so pervasive, so ingrained in our society, that it seemed impossible that you weren’t hideous and worthless without shelling out big bucks to cover up the blemish you hadn’t realized you were.
But! There’s always a “but”.
No matter what you let the media and the Evil Auctioneer sell you in the past, today is a new day. Every day, you have the ability to choose what you’ll believe. In the same way you allowed this invasion and destruction of your self-image, you have the power to heal it.
That’s right! Your own brain, your own heart, your own Self – you get to choose what you accept as true and right and good in the world. Not TV, not your parents, not those hotties who made fun of you. You. You let the monster in, and you can kick it out.
It doesn’t matter how or why you came to the conclusion that consumerism and altering your appearance will make you magically better – you put your fucking foot down, hard.
You say NO.
No, I won’t let the media tell me I’m not beautiful.
No, I won’t let myself tell me I’m not beautiful.
No, I won’t buy any more goddamn weight loss products.
No, I won’t buy any more “age defying” makeup.
No, no, fucking no!
And then you say YES.
Yes, I’m able to discern between fun makeup and guilt makeup.
Yes, I’m happy to buy the right size of clothes.
Yes, I’m valuable to the world just as I am.
Yes, I’m worthy of love without having to alter myself.
Yes, yes, fucking yes!
Remember that the media’s job is to sell you shit. Even the nightly news sells you a perfect image. It’s about money, moolah, cash, Gs. They’re literally tearing you down so you’ll give them your hard-earned money. Don’t fall for that shit.
And just for the record, it’s okay to slip up every once in a while. Shit, I still have moments where I wish I looked like Angelina Jolie (but that’s our secret, okay?). But I’m not some pouty perfect princess, and I never will be. I’m me, with all my beautiful strangeness, all my not-media-friendly qualities. And that difference, that uniquity, is precious, never to be wished away.
Let’s end with a little bit of empowerment music, shall we? Listen. Be inspired. Take charge of your thoughts and refuse to eat the bullshit anymore. You were born this way, and that makes you beautiful.
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*blush* Your intro totally made me giggle and turn into a little pile of goo. <3
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Posted by Ellie Di | September 21, 2011, 11:29 amA great guest post at @TheDemoiselles by @Ellie_Di: Media Beauty Circus: Change the Way You Think About What You Think http://t.co/YIGtSFfD
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Posted by Jennifer Nicole | September 21, 2011, 4:41 pmDidja see me over at @TheDemoiselles talkin' bout changing how we think about how we think: http://t.co/MXn54HRt
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Posted by Ellie Di Julio | September 21, 2011, 6:16 pmDidja see me over at @TheDemoiselles talkin' bout changing how we think about how we think: http://t.co/MXn54HRt
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Posted by Lindsay | September 21, 2011, 6:19 pmDon't let the media and the Evil Auctioneer tell you you're worthless without cosmetics or liposuction! http://ow.ly/6BaUJ
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Posted by Ellie Di Julio | September 21, 2011, 11:15 pmHow to beat media consumerist bullshit: First say NO! (to them) then say YES! (to yourself) http://ow.ly/6BaWA
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Posted by Ellie Di Julio | September 24, 2011, 3:00 pmI really appreciate the overall message of this post; I make an effort to communicate the same message to my blog readers–that you should be the one who determines your own value, and that it shouldn’t be dictated by whatever arbitrary standard the media has set up. Thanks for articulating all of this, it sometimes seems like we’re all getting a bit too passive and accepting of the messages we’re sent, and how bad we all feel about ourselves as a result.
I can’t help but bristle, though, at the reference to and inclusion of Lady Gaga’s ‘Born This Way’, which ultimately just strikes me as another link in the “of course you should feel beautiful and perfect about yourself, if you’re beautiful and perfect” chain. I just can’t get behind the song or the video as a genuine tribute to accepting yourself and believing you’re beautiful when it’s sung by a woman who is, essentially, one of the many examples of beauty that we’re all meant to emulate. It’s true that she may not be viewed as conventionally beautiful by everyone, but there’s no denying the fact that she’s pretty, has a figure that many women would starve themselves for, and makes pretty significant use of her sexuality to appeal to her audience. She’s changed several things about herself in order to become the person she now is, and as much as we may like to think of her as being avant-garde and different, most of the changes she’s made to herself just bring her closer to the beauty ideal that we’d all be better off rejecting. It’s a great message, sure, but at the end of the day I want it to be shared by someone whose behavior and actions indicate that they truly believe and live it. As it is, it just seems like she managed to throw a positive message into a catchy tune, and come out with a hit song as a result. In my opinion, she’s a false idol when it comes to positive body image and self-acceptance, and I wish people would be a little bit more hesitant to hold her up as an example of the way we should feel about ourselves, or as a celebrity who is bucking trends and changing the norm.
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Posted by Emilie | September 25, 2011, 8:27 amI took a break…from a lot of things. Including focusing on my feminism. This was a wonderful article to come back to.
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Posted by Cals | December 5, 2011, 7:29 pm