I recently got back in touch with an old best friend, whom I hadn’t seen in two years. In our heyday we’d been thick as thieves, but both our lives had taken a domestic turn and I had no idea what to expect (other than what a little Facebook-stalking afforded me). We planned to catch up over coffee, and when the day finally came I suddenly got nervous:
“Have I gained weight?”
“Does my hair look stupid?”
“…what the hell should I wear?”
I was obsessed with looking as good as I did two years ago - which is funny, because my self esteem is better now than it was then - but I couldn’t even decide which “look” to go with: casually cool, professional and sassy, or unconcerned and relaxed?
Attempting to practice what Elle and I preach - finding your own sexy, fighting negative body image thoughts, being confident au natural - I ignored the urge to glam up. Instead, I wore one of my go-to outfits for a put-together, comfortable look (a cotton dress with flats) and forced myself to keep the makeup at a minimum. I kept reminding myself that it’s silly to be this nervous about “looking good” for someone that has seen me bare-faced, drunk and with the flu (not all at the same time, of course).
As it turns out, my old friend was just as nervous as I was: she had curled her hair, washed her car and stressed about her outfit just as much as I did, and when we realized it the tension in the room vanished. All those worries about being “good enough” don’t compare to the confidence an old friend can inspire…if you just let them.
Why is it that nostalgia makes us so self-critical? All those Facebook photos that make us look fat/ugly/weird don’t matter to anyone that genuinely likes us, and the people who critique them tend to be pretty insecure themselves. (Just look for MySpace angles and pursed lips.)
It applies to exes, too. How many of us have seen an ametuer self-portrait photo of an ex, looking all serious and sexy, and thought it just looked desperate? That same ex, though, is pretty enviable when their profile photo is of them laughing with friends…no matter how messed up his or her hair is.
Have you reconnected with old friends lately, on Facebook or in person?
How has it affected your self esteem…
…and has it caused you to change that dreaded profile photo?
Image via WeHeartIt.com.
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Wow, this is a great reminder.
I have a hard time looking inward at times like these, because I’m too damn distracted!
It is true that the harder people work on their social networking sites and getting (overly) dolled up to see old friends or old ex’s, the more desperate/sad it seems.
Why invest so much time and energy in a fleeting event that might end up just being embarrassing down the road?
In the end there is nothing shameful about genuinely being yourself.
.-= flower mash´s last blog ..cupcakes, bright thread spools, fresh flowers =-.
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Posted by flower mash | March 8, 2010, 10:19 amI totally had nerves about seeing, oh, EVERYONE when I moved back to New Orleans. Having gained 60 pounds, becoming more mild & meek… well, I don’t look or act like the same girl, and I was worried that it’d affect my relationships. It hasn’t, which is kind of amazing in ways. But I know it also extends to the male persuasion, because every time Garren comes to visit, he wants to crash diet and drop 15 pounds…
.-= Ashe Mischief´s last blog ..Such Great Heights =-.
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Posted by Ashe Mischief | March 8, 2010, 10:58 am@ The Demoiselles :: Nostalgic Self Criticism: Old Faces On Facebook:
I recently got back in touch with a… http://bit.ly/c1tCQL
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Posted by The Demoiselles | March 8, 2010, 12:06 pmNew at @TheDemoiselles :: What does your Facebook photo say about you? http://bit.ly/c1tCQL
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Posted by Jennifer Nicole | March 8, 2010, 3:34 pmI tend to worry more about where I am (or am not, rather) education and career wise than I do my outward appearance. Worrying that I don’t/won’t measure up in those areas, or stressing because I’m not where I’d like to be yet, greatly affects my self-esteem and causes me to avoid people like the plague.
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Posted by Jenn | March 12, 2010, 3:59 pm