This weekend I reconnected with an old friend, and over chili rellenos and mushroom quesadillas, I explained to her the mission behind The Demoiselles. We laughed about my long-lived desire to tell the status quo to fuck off and unabashedly destroy the perceptions the media creates for us.
My friend had never heard of the Fat Acceptance movement, so I gave her an overview, explaining the movement’s purpose and its desire to reclaim the word “fat.” I used a lot of first-person examples:
“For example, introducing oneself: I’m five feet tall, have brown hair, I’m fat, I wear tights a lot…you know, using ‘fat’ as a non-negative descriptor.”
After her initial shock at my using the F-word in polite company (and subsequent laughter and exclamations of support), my friend asked a question that was much more perplexing than I thought it would be:
“…but you don’t actually think you’re fat, do you?”
It wasn’t a media-induced question; I long ago learned that this particular friend doesn’t coddle like that. She was asking because her definition of “fat” is someone that doesn’t look like me – it’s someone larger.
At that moment, I realized that not only did I not know how to answer her, but I don’t know how to answer most questions like that.
To be honest, I have a hard time labeling myself.
This photo was taken by Lindsay and posted at Broke & Beautiful, which you should add to your RSS if you haven’t already.
Is that a photo of a fat person? I’m currently carrying more fat than I’ve ever had on my body, but does that make me fat? If not, what would make me fat? A belly, bigger arms, a less-prominent ratio between my waist and hips?
One of my exes often told me that I was “the only fat girl he’d ever been attracted to.” (Let me tell you, he was a fucking winner.) But according to a number of people within the Fat Acceptance movement, I’m more chubby, or curvy, than I am fat.
I don’t mind either way, of course, because fat is just another word, and I’m pretty good at disassociating words from negative connotations. (See my favorite slang word for vagina – cunt – and my fierce enjoyment of the word slut.) But I wonder if I’m the rare bird when it comes to disassociating; if for most people it’s much, much harder.
I tried to figure out which labels I think our ridiculous, teething-toddler-throwing-a-tantrum society would give me, and it was quite difficult. Here’s what I came up with:
Girl.
Bisexual.
Indie.
Humanist.
Feminine.
Spiritual.
Chubby.
Curvy.
Sexual.
What labels would your society give you?
Do those labels, positive or negative, bother you?
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I get annoyed that people (men, mostly, I guess) associate “curvy” with fat. I would call myself curvy because I have a defined hourglass shape- wide hips, a small waist & D cups. Pin ups were curvy. It’s a descriptor that has nothing to do with weight & I don’t understand the instant jump from curvy to fat.
This is one reason why I no longer feel the need to describe my shape to anyone. What does that really have to do with who I am? My shape changes. I might gain or lose 20 lbs over the course of a few years. Why should I redefine who I am or how I view myself depending on how much body fat I’m carrying?
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Posted by Superalzy | January 24, 2011, 9:36 ami am probably about the same size as you, from that photo, and i dont consider myself (or you) fat or even chubby. i realise that some people might call me that, but then this is a world where scarlett johanson and that model that david walliams goes out with (sorry, i really don’t know her name, this is not meant as derogatory) are described as curvey.
this is an interesting topic for me because i have a huge amount of time for the fat acceptance health at any size movement, but i dont self identify as fat – for me the cut off point if therewas one is probably uk size 18 upwards for an average height person. it just feels weird reading all this stuff about reclaiming the word and being really sympathetic, yet not claiming it for myself.
apologies for any typos, i have rsi and am typing with my left hand only
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Posted by Franca | January 24, 2011, 11:39 amLately, I’ve been working on reclaiming the label Fat. For a long time, I used any other synonym that I could think of, but now, I have found that it is extremely therapeutic for me to just swallow, take a deep breath, and use the word Fat in a confident and self-loving way. I love myself, no matter what my size, and that extends to having the courage and bravery to reclaim the words that hurt the most.
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Posted by Marzipan | January 24, 2011, 12:18 pmI don’t really shy away from the word fat. Sometimes people are horrified or confused when I talk about “when I was fat,” because at my heaviest I still wasn’t out of the official healthy weight range. But I lost 25 pounds and changed my lifestyle a lot so I call those my fat days. I don’t think I looked gross or anything, just fatter than I am now.
I think this idea of what is “fat” also means that sometimes we trivialize women’s body image and weight problems if they’re not officially “fat.” I still have issues with my body sometimes, and just because I’m not fat by most people’s standards doesn’t make those problems any less real. (I am fat by Hollywood standards, where I live and work, but that’s a whole ‘nother topic…)
Other labels society would give me? Girl. Atheist. Vegan. I also get called “quirky” a lot – wtf?
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Posted by Erika @ Health and Happiness in LA | January 24, 2011, 1:21 pmlabels are so relative. I try to avoid them, but they are such a part of our culture.
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Posted by thefatandskinny | January 24, 2011, 3:01 pmHow do people label you? If you ran society, how would you be labeled? http://t.co/TmnSZpm
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Posted by The Demoiselles | January 24, 2011, 11:03 pmLabels, Fat Acceptance, and Self Identifying | The Demoiselles: Why should I redefine who I am or how I view mys… http://bit.ly/hfwvHW
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Posted by Mimi | January 27, 2011, 6:05 pmGod I love this blog. I’d never heard of the Fat Acceptance movement either, but I wholeheartedly approve – anything that pushes you to a better acceptance of yourself gets my vote. But, as someone else mentioned: it’s hard to reach this stage with the media’s false idea of what ‘curvy’ actually is.
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Posted by Mrs Bossa | January 29, 2011, 1:52 amI notice a lot of people are bringing up the whole “curvy” label, which I think is just societies pc word for “fat” or “chubby.” Although I think I, fairly slim, would also get that label on account of not being a beanpole. So let’s just say that curvy=female figure.
This movement sounds interesting. I think there’s something to be said for facing the labels that we’re not allowed to use any more, and taking away the sting of them by use and humour. For the record, I’d say you are cubby (or plump). I guess I might get crucified for that, but I don’t think you should run out and lose weight or anything, I do think you’re attractive, but that is the word I would use for your body ratio. “Fat,” to my ears, as to your friend’s, is something bigger, and implies for me a not-clear distinction between waist, chest and hips. Just an opinion!
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Posted by Emily | January 29, 2011, 3:26 pmGreat post. I continually have struggled with weight and body acceptance issues and this is a refreshing post.
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Posted by SampleSaleSites | January 30, 2011, 3:09 pmI don’t see a fat lady. You looked so great in your outfit and you have a pretty face. We really have to love ourselves first before we can love another person.
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Posted by Anne @ free address labels | May 27, 2011, 6:04 am