It’s not too thin, or fine, or curly, or unruly, or the wrong color.  There really isn’t a thing wrong with your hair.

You know how I know that?  Because every woman has wished for different hair, and every woman has been told they have enviable hair by someone else.  Even the least trendy of us at least think about how to incorporate our tresses into our most basic style - what style goes with which outfit, whether our coloring would support a bright red or blonde or black dye job – and more often than not, feel tied down by what our hair can and can’t do.

I always hated that.

When I was a teenager, I walked into a salon with long, one-length hair, and walked out with a pixie cut a la Winona Ryder in Girl, Interrupted.  Yes, it was over a boy…but I loved that hair.  I owned that hair.  I made it my signature for years with different colored dyes, experimental styling and the confidence to show off my neck before Tyra Banks was spouting it to her model cronies.  That haircut totally changed the way I thought about my style, my features, and myself.

Sorry it’s so tiny – it’s all I’ve got!

Since then, I haven’t had a “planned” haircut.  Every single time I’ve been to the salon has been an experiment: asking the stylist, “What do you want to do?” and working from there.  And ladies, I’ve never been disappointed.  Here’s are a few of the styles I’ve had in the past couple of years, including the most recent incarnation, chopped off on Monday evening by Carly Jo at Helmet Head:

There is a method to my madness, though, and if you’re looking for a change, you can make the leap to totally new hair.  You don’t have to be a hairstylist to walk into uncharted hair territory (is it wrong that I wanted to type “hairitory”?) and you can get a fresh lease on your mane every time you walk into a salon.  Here’s how:

1. Know your hair. Pay attention to how thick, coarse and damaged your hair is.  Figure out where your cowlicks are and if one side is thicker than the other.  Let your stylist know about your own impressions of your hair (if it’s pulled back or styled when you walk in, she may not see those cowlicks) and listen to what she feels and sees, too.
2. Know your limits. Be honest about how long you’re willing to spend on your hair each morning.  I won’t spend more than twenty minutes, and I also need a cut that I can “quick fix” on the days I wake up late.  Stylists are often happy to show you the best tricks to styling your hair, and give you a cut that will work with your needs.
3. Get a referral. All of my successful cuts have been done by stylists at salons I know and trust, or ones that get high marks on Yelp.com.
4. Ask for extra time. When you make an appointment, ask if you can schedule an extra ten minutes to have the stylist show you how to style your new ‘do.  Remind your stylist at the beginning of your appointment that you will need a little help and she’ll be happy to oblige.  (It could mean a repeat customer for her.)  Make sure to tip them extra for this!
5. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. You should be a little nervous – it’s a big change! – but you shouldn’t feel sick about it.  Even if the stylist has already started cutting, if you need to stop, say something.  You can always reassess the cut with the stylist, and change it to something else if need be.  More often than not, a stylist won’t be offended if you tell them you’re just scared of making the wrong decision.
6. Let it get messy. For the first week or so, try not to overstyle your hair.  Let the cut breathe a little (within reason of course) and you’ll start to see that those little flyaways and flipped sections aren’t unruly, they’re unique.  Your hair has its own style, too, and letting it go where it wants is the first step to learning how to work with what you’ve got, instead of trying to make it cookie cutter.

For me, it’s as simple as that.  Every time I walk out of a hair salon, I feel like I have a new lease on my look: I try new outfit combinations, I play with my makeup (or don’t wear any at all), and I’m less worried about all of that other body stuff that bugs me so often.  (Weight gain – what weight gain?  I’ve got pretty hair!) It’s worth the risk to get the payoff.  I promise.

What’s the most drastic haircut you’ve ever had?  Did you regret it?

To contact Jennifer Nicole, the author of this post, please send e-mails to jen@thedemoiselles.com or use our contact form.

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